https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/another-one-its-called-exhibition/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 02:21:07 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/another-one-its-called-exhibition/#post-76186 Tue, 16 Nov 2004 23:12:21 +0000
The only place I lost it some was the 3rd verse.

V3
If I gave you all dinner on a plastic plate
Would you refuse my cake
And if I sang all day miles of key
Would you all still hang around

what if you did something like:

If I sang all day in off key sounds
Would you all still hang around

It would tighten the rhyme up.


Just a thought on the chorus:

If I was friends with the queen
I bet you'd all dig my thing
And if I always had the ace of hearts
I know you'd always be a part..........of me

Good writing...I definately like the idea of the song!

Greg]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club gmilam https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/another-one-its-called-exhibition/#post-76186 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/another-one-its-called-exhibition/#post-76144 Tue, 16 Nov 2004 18:29:43 +0000
Good stuff. I like the flow of the whole thing, the form is good over each verse and the song as a whole.

I would be tempted to remove one of the two 'always'' from the chorus, and add something else 2 syllables long. I just felt it was a little 'always this, always that', but it's your call, obviously.


Anyway, I've replied to like, 4 posts now, so I ought to get back to work!

Well done though.

G]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club gjbrake https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/another-one-its-called-exhibition/#post-76144 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/another-one-its-called-exhibition/#post-4950 Tue, 16 Nov 2004 00:25:46 +0000
V1
Am I seen and do I want to be
If I dressed in black would I be free
Or should I parade in colours like a show pony
On big tall heels all fake and phoney

V2
Does the size of my house mean a thing
If I had no car would you still ring
Or if I had the biggest wheels in town
Would my friends always be around

Chorus
If I was friends with the queen
I bet you'd all dig my thing
And if I always had the ace of hearts
I know you'd always be round my parts

V3
If I gave you all dinner on a plastic plate
Would you refuse my cake
And if I sang all day miles of key
Would you all still hang around

Chorus
If I was friends with the queen
I bet you'd all dig my thing
And if I always had the ace of hearts
I know you'd always be round my parts


Well its all well and good
If the words are in song
And I promise you friends I'd love to be wrong

But I know… Oh yeah I know

If I was friends with the queen
I bet you'd all dig my thing
And if I always had the ace of hearts
I know you'd always be round my parts


©Florence Donovan]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Florence https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/another-one-its-called-exhibition/#post-4950