RE: Broken Pain

pierson — Mon, 10 Apr 2006 20:51:58 +0000

It sounds too much like a generalisation, a horoscope reading which could be true for anyone who reads it. Did you see my vision fade inside a crowded room

RE: Broken Pain

Saber — Sat, 08 Apr 2006 22:39:13 +0000

I think you should have stuck with the original concept.

Did you see the light shine on the dark side of the moonDid you see my vision fade inside a crowded room
I hope you don't mind, this is basically rearranging the chorus, and replacing "broken pain" with your original inspiration.

And it's all for naught
these things you thought
you saw
You're looking at life through
a broken window
You're looking at life through
that broken window
and watching as your life
goes passing by

This has potential. I'd say to work on it more and try not to go for the easy route.

KEEP IT UP!!!! :D

RE: Broken Pain

martin-6 — Sat, 08 Apr 2006 16:40:16 +0000

For me, there are not enough specific details to make the song memorable. It sounds too much like a generalisation, a horoscope reading which could be true for anyone who reads it. There are no characters or actions within the song, just philosophising. It needs more juicy details about the lives behind the song.

RE: Broken Pain

pierson — Sat, 08 Apr 2006 10:18:14 +0000

I thought the song was great. Good imagery and it was great how you used the broken glass as a metophor. One thing I saw as a problem:while looking at life through the Broken Pain
You're looking at life through the Broken PainThe first "Broken Pain" I think should be "broken pane" refering to the shattered glass, and then when you actually refer to the pain of the person, keep "Pain" in there. I think that would be more efficient. Actually, it works the other way around, too.

Again, loved the song. Keep it up!

Broken Pain

Tokai 12 String — Wed, 08 Mar 2006 05:24:48 +0000

The title of this song was inspired by a photograph of my old band
as we were looking through a window with broken panes of glass.
Let me know what you think all comments welcome.

BROKEN PAIN

Did you see the light shine on the dark side of the moon
Did you see my vision fade inside a crowded room
Can't you see it's over and there's nothing more to be said
And I know it hurts so bad to know our love is dead

And it's all for naught
these things you thought you saw
while looking at life through the Broken Pain
You're looking at life through the Broken Pain
and watching as your life goes passing by

You've been looking for reasons for so many years
trying ot hide the emptiness and hold back your tears
Life within the broken pain is distorted and untrue
try to look beyond the pain and the truth comes shining through

And it's all for naught
these things you thought you saw
while looking at life through the Broken Pain
You're looking at life through the Broken Pain
and watching as your life goes passing by

Broken Pain - Guitar Noise Songwriting Club

RE: Broken Pain

RE: Broken Pain

RE: Broken Pain

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Broken Pain