https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 06:08:53 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63684 Thu, 22 Jul 2004 06:07:49 +0000
I've always considered rhythm and meter important to aid the listener, people can register things with more ease if it's in a flowing format, this song is a great example of blank verse writing, it is very sperrataic in its attack but it is very easy to read, and should be easy to listen to also,

you can make someone happy or uncomftorable with the lyrics, but in order for either one(or any of the multitudes of emotion) to get it across in a song with music, it should be easy to comprehend]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Snoogans775 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63684 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63679 Thu, 22 Jul 2004 04:19:21 +0000 Guitar Noise Songwriting Club hueseph https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63679 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63676 Thu, 22 Jul 2004 03:34:50 +0000
Id like to see some of your lyrics some day, try and post some pn here, that would be great.

I worked for a while on this song, so its great to recieve promising results

Thanks again!]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club bleaseyhighflyer https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63676 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63611 Wed, 21 Jul 2004 02:36:07 +0000
I'm a beginner songwriter too so I don't know how much my opinion matters but this what I think. :)
I can give you some positive feedback.
I really love the poetry of your lyrics. Lines like,

"Insignificant as a broken light shining,
But it still burns your eyes."

And

"Time is slipping through the cut-throat jagged glass,
But with every glance at you it stops.."

It really gets a certain feeling across. Great job with this song. I hope it works out well for you.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club ColoroftheSky https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63611 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63603 Wed, 21 Jul 2004 01:35:38 +0000
On your second point: the third verse is the bridge really, i just wasnt sure weather to call it the bridge because its not really in the right place. The tune changes and has a more minor feel than the other two verse, but after the third verse there is a long insturmental outro, with backing vocals, (a la "the great gig in the sky" - pink floyd) hence i have decided not to call the third verse the bridge. I may write a real brideg to fit in somewhere as it is a work in progress.

Thankyou very much...]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club bleaseyhighflyer https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63603 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63581 Tue, 20 Jul 2004 22:31:05 +0000
i really liked the lyrics. they are very thoughtful.

just one thing kind of caught me. some of the lines are longer than the others. but i assume you have them all timed out if you have the guitar stuff for it. just reading through it kind of threw off the rythm for me with some lines a little longer. but like i said before, the lyrics are very thoughtful.

another thing that caught me was that you didn't have a bridge. i find that the bridge ties the whole song together and then ending with a chorus reminds the audience of the song. but thats just me. i've had songs that are set up like yours. it was just a thought.

keep up with the writing.
*hailey*]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club xlosexyoux https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-63581 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-2837 Tue, 20 Jul 2004 13:09:57 +0000
CUT-THROAT

Verse 1
Insignificant as a broken light shining,
But it still burns your eyes.
This uncultured world is slowly getting boring,
Will things ever change?

Chorus
Dont you see it the way i see?
Too much for the eyes of the beast.
Trapped inside this tiny head shaped room.
Yearning for release

Verse 2
Moonlight caught in eager eyes
Graceful as midnight
And still the message remains there,
Carrying the symbol.

Chorus

Verse 3
And still you havnt worked it out
Despite my obvious obssession,
Time is slipping through the cut-throat jagged glass,
But with every glance at you it stops...

order= Verse 1
Chorus
Verse 2
Chorus
Verse 3

Okay even i am still a little unhappy with a few phrases here and there, but at least its a start.

Thanks for reading.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club bleaseyhighflyer https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/first-timer/#post-2837