https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/help-needed-im-a-little-rusty/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 00:56:32 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/help-needed-im-a-little-rusty/#post-301896 Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:25:21 +0000
I think it's all ok, but there are more choruses than verses so that part of the balance is off.


A :-)]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Alan Green https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/help-needed-im-a-little-rusty/#post-301896 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/help-needed-im-a-little-rusty/#post-301891 Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:15:55 +0000
Doesn't look too rusty to me. Like John, I picked up on the racial stereotyping/role reversal lines - but I don't think the verses are lacking anything particularly, they set the chorus up nicely, which is very strong. It'd be nice to hear this (hint!)

Oh, and if you really are feeling rusty, the SSG's been quiet lately (hint, hint!)

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/help-needed-im-a-little-rusty/#post-301891 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/help-needed-im-a-little-rusty/#post-301878 Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:39:21 +0000
Still scratching my head over this one :?]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/help-needed-im-a-little-rusty/#post-301878 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/help-needed-im-a-little-rusty/#post-301455 Tue, 22 Jul 2008 04:08:13 +0000
I think I'll have to agree have to agree with you about the verses.

The chorus is excellent but the verse seem to be lacking something.

My guess is that the story is about two strangers and I think the chorus
suggests a more intimate relationship.

I do like the way you reverse the usual racial stereotypes in the last
verse. That made a impact with me.

Good to see you back around

John]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/help-needed-im-a-little-rusty/#post-301455 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/help-needed-im-a-little-rusty/#post-32708 Mon, 21 Jul 2008 16:02:12 +0000



Did I walk in your shoes - © Ja'mir 2008

Did I walk in your shoes, or have you walked in mine
Shared sorrow, tears, joy – or just moments in time
Did I walk in your shoes, or have you walked in mine
Both sparks of creation, earth energies entwined

We pass in the main street, a glimpse from caste down eyes
and wonder , mirror or reflection as our minds meander by
Not thinking where we're going , autopilot in control
Despite our different lives, we're in the same hellhole

Did I walk in your shoes, or have you walked in mine
Shared sorrow, tears or joy – or just moments in time
Did I walk in your shoes, or have you walked in mine
Both sparks of creation, earth energies entwined

You're from the fancy hill, I'm from the poor old railway shack
I was born a white child , while you were born black
A silver spoon in your mouth, no hungry mouths to feed
Yet here we are on main street, both red blooded and in need

We both hear the shrieking siren, in agony we wait, what is the outcome, what is our fate
both of us stranded in a moment in time, both sparks of creation, earth energies entwined

Did I walk in your shoes, or have you walked in mine
Shared sorrow, tears or joy – or just moments in time
Did I walk in your shoes, or have you walked in mine
Both sparks of creation, earth energies entwined

Thanks as always

Ja'mir :wink:]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/help-needed-im-a-little-rusty/#post-32708