LITTLE ONE CRIES(REWRITE) - Guitar Noise Songwriting Club https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/little-one-criesrewrite/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 08:25:15 +0000 wpForo 60 RE: LITTLE ONE CRIES(REWRITE) https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/little-one-criesrewrite/#post-227597 Thu, 08 Feb 2007 05:17:50 +0000 Guitar Noise Songwriting Club BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/little-one-criesrewrite/#post-227597 RE: LITTLE ONE CRIES(REWRITE) https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/little-one-criesrewrite/#post-227526 Wed, 07 Feb 2007 22:07:29 +0000 I see what you mean I guess I didn't consider the writting of the music too much, because I don't realy understand how that part works for not only don't I play a insterment I am tone deaf as well... ya it sucks but i do swear one day I will learn to play the guitar I do beleive it would help my writing in a big way..
again thank you both this gives me a ton to think about ...so its back to the note pad to see what I can do..

:wink: Mystic]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club mysticmoonangel https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/little-one-criesrewrite/#post-227526 RE: LITTLE ONE CRIES(REWRITE) https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/little-one-criesrewrite/#post-227419 Wed, 07 Feb 2007 08:29:26 +0000 I think you are right to persist with this song, it really does have some potential.
This line here is extraordinary THE LITTLE ONE CRIES DEEP INSIDE
I agree with Trevor in terms of some of the techniques you can use to really get the most from your song. Consistency with your rhyming scheme is certainly one. What can really help is if you have the music first, that way you're forced into a pattern that will work. I think I read somewhere that you don't play an instrument, in this case what you can do is borrow someone else's, we would never know, find a piece of music that suits the mood your after and write your lyrics around those. As for your song I think I might be inclined to remove the “you to parent” relationship of this song and focus more on the “parent to child” relationship because I'm not sure who to relate to when I read it. Another thing that really helps is a hook (the one thing that I will remember about this song tomorrow). That extraordinary line for my money is your hook line. If you build your song around that line/idea and maybe use it in the chorus I think this song could be quite powerful.
These are just my opinions BTW, good luck and do stick with it, there's a good song here.

Paul]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/little-one-criesrewrite/#post-227419 RE: LITTLE ONE CRIES(REWRITE) https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/little-one-criesrewrite/#post-227403 Wed, 07 Feb 2007 07:11:18 +0000
I only have one problem with your song ,

The length of verses are not uniform , now that is not a big deal really but when your trying to add music to your lyrics it will be a lot easier if things are more unform ..

1st verse

8 lines long ,

1st line 6 sylabols ,
2nd line 6 sylabols
3rd line 6 sylabols
4th line 8 sylabols
5th line 9 sylabols
6th line 10 sylabols
7th line 11sylabols
8th line 8 sylabols

now like I said no big deal really but it does pose a bit of a problem when adding music , I would probably add some words to the 6 sylabol lines as this ..
/ / / / D / / / / C / / / / G / / / /
so tell me WHY DO U CRY, THAT WAY
i only WISH I COULD HOLD U CLOSE
i just want to TAKE AWAY YOUR PAIN
IF ONLY I COULD just TURN BACK TIME
VEIW THOSE IMIGAS STILL IN YOUR MIND
I'D CLEAR THE SKELETONS FROM YOUR HEAD
WORLD OF HORRER WHEN U CLOSE YOUR EYES
my darling LITTLE ONE CRIES DEEP INSIDE


To me I can add a simple 3 chord progression to it and fit the lyrics in nicely ..But without some uniformity with in the structure of the song makes it very hard for a hacker like me ...


This is just my untrained opinion on this , I think its' all how you have the song in your head , just right now as it stands I can't get in to it ...


I really do like the chorus though , and the very last 2 lines are GOLD ...

Sorry if my reply offends you , it is just my opinion disreguard my post if it does offend ...

Trevor]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/little-one-criesrewrite/#post-227403 LITTLE ONE CRIES(REWRITE) https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/little-one-criesrewrite/#post-23827 Wed, 07 Feb 2007 01:15:04 +0000
LITTLE ONE CRIES

WHY DO U CRY, THAT WAY
WISH I COULD HOLD U CLOSE
AN TAKE AWAY YOUR PAIN
IF ONLY I COULD TURN BACK TIME
VEIW THOSE IMIGAS STILL IN YOUR MIND
I'D CLEAR THE SKELETONS FROM YOUR HEAD
THERES A WORLD OF HORRER WHEN U CLOSE YOUR EYES
THE LITTLE ONE CRIES DEEP INSIDE

CHORUS
THE LITTLE ONE CRIES
BUT IT DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU TAKE ANOTHER SWOLLOW
FROM THAT LONG DARK BOTTLE
IT EATS UP ALL YOUR PAIN
EVERY THING FEELS BETTER
THEN MORNING COMES AGAIN

IT'S A DARKENED WORLD
WERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE
YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES
AND TAKE A LOOK INSIDE
DREADED MEMORIES RUNNING WILD
YOU WANT TO FREE THEM FROM THE CHILD
YOUR REACHEN OUT
BUT THE ANSWEARS ALWAYS HIDE
YOU CANT FIND PEACE OF MIND

CHORUS
THE LITTLE ONE CRIES
BUT IT DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU TAKE ANOTHER SWOLLOW
FROM THAT LONG DARK BOTTLE
IT EATS UP ALL YOUR PAIN
EVERY THING FEELS BETTER
THEN MORNING COMES AGAIN


WISH I COULD HOLD U CLOSE
AN TAKE AWAY YOUR PAIN
DREADED MEMORIES RUNNING WILD
YOU WANT TO FREE THEM FROM THE CHILD
BUT YOU HOLD ON TIGHT
YOUR NOT SURE WHY
YOU TRY TO LET GO
IMAGES SO VIVID YOU LOSE CONTROLE
YOU TAKE ANOTHER SWOLLOW
FROM THAT LONG DARK BOTTLE
IT EATS UP ALL YOUR PAIN
EVERY THING FEELS BETTER
THEN MORNING COMES AGAIN....
MORNING COMES AGAIN…………..
YOU TAKE ANOTHER SWOLLOW
FROM THAT LONG DARK BOTTLE


© 2003 Debbie Alaric]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club mysticmoonangel https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/little-one-criesrewrite/#post-23827