https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 07:49:39 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208931 Mon, 13 Nov 2006 01:35:42 +0000
Moved you over here as your post is not strictly Sunday Songwriter's related which canmean you don't get as much feedback as you woud here.

Good start and good to see that you're taking other people's opinions onboard and using them.

Keep it up.

If you want to join SSG please feel free to do so, there's an assignment every week just follow what I post up for it.

Hope to see you there.

Bob]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208931 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208712 Sat, 11 Nov 2006 08:46:29 +0000 strickly speaking this forum is for set assignments, which is maybe why you are not getting many replies. The Guitar Noise Songwriting Club is really the place to post this song. Having said that, mate this is a great start to a song, good on you. As it stands at the moment youv'e told us quite a lot about the situation, what you are saying is really good. What you need to do now is concentrate on how you might deliver this message inform and entertain us at the same time. The delivery is where you get a little bit pragmatic. Consider some rhyming, just to tie the verses together internally. Then consider repeating some phrases maybe to tie each verse to another verse. Also consider a chorus or bridge that gives us a little relief from the verses, in the chorus maybe as Hilch says you could tell us how these things make you feel. Anyway enough of my monologue, this is a great start so dont give up on it.
BTW I really recomend you read Nick Torres's artitles on how to write songs they are really very good and are almost all you need to know.

cheers

Paul]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208712 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208650 Sat, 11 Nov 2006 00:01:18 +0000
what you have is a great first one]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208650 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208591 Fri, 10 Nov 2006 18:42:56 +0000
Woke up without you by my side
You left without a warning
Now my mind is left to ponder
On thoughts of you coming back

Even though I try to hide it
the pain only gets worse
through every drink and every toke
i seem to be slippin further into depression

Im just a lonely man
struggling to find himself
my minds uncertain
and my hearts afflicted

Hoping tonight things will be right
I will find myself
And end this fight with myself
That is keeping me down]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club xxGuitarManxx https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208591 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208588 Fri, 10 Nov 2006 18:12:32 +0000 Guitar Noise Songwriting Club xxGuitarManxx https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208588 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208558 Fri, 10 Nov 2006 15:36:53 +0000
Just a couple of things ..

1/ try to keep the length of each verse uniform with each other such as your song one verse is longer then the other , now I am not saying what you have is wrong but it makes it easier for the author and reads / listens better to the reader / listener ...I find

2/ Maybe this night things will be right { for me is too long } maybe ..

Hopeing tonight things will be right

Apart from my above statements you have a nice beginning here now expand on this ,
Tell us about this fight ..
Why are you a lonely man ..
Whats so special about tonight ..What going to happen ??

Good start keep going with it

Cheers

Trev..]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-208558 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-21714 Thu, 09 Nov 2006 23:50:55 +0000
Im just a lonely man
struggling to find himself
my minds uncertain
and my souls afflicted

Maybe this night things will be right
I will find myself
And end this fight
this fight with myself
That is keeping me down]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club xxGuitarManxx https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song-6/#post-21714