https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 02:55:43 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song/#post-198661 Thu, 14 Sep 2006 10:35:10 +0000
Keep it up!]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club pierson https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song/#post-198661 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song/#post-198659 Thu, 14 Sep 2006 09:05:35 +0000 Guitar Noise Songwriting Club annabear https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song/#post-198659 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song/#post-75633 Thu, 11 Nov 2004 12:48:12 +0000
First of all, what's with the pink??!

More importantly, the song. It feels like a first draft to me - like you've just got your ideas out onto the page.
As such it could do with a little work, IMO, just to 'tighten it up'.

A couple of suggestions:

Drop the 'I am' from line 2. Verse 1 will have better form and flow without it.

Chorus 1 is great.

In Verse 2, line 2 seems to long and line 4 too short!

The last line of Chorus 2 could do with rhyming with 'To go on?' I say that because it worked so well in the first chorus!


Just some things for you to think about, but generally I like it.

Do you have music behind this, or just the lyrics?

G]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club gjbrake https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song/#post-75633 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song/#post-4821 Tue, 09 Nov 2004 19:42:19 +0000


I am running out of answers.
I am running out of feeling that I can't hide.
I am running out of reasons,
Searching for a purpose I just can't find.

Why do
I have
To go on?
When I'm
Searching
For something that
Feels and seems so wrong.

I don't know what to do now.
Please don't make me do this; it makes me go insane.
I don't need to follow
Dreams of yours-- those dreams are not mine.

Why do
I have
To go on?
When I'm
Living
My life for you?
I want to live my life for me!

Why can't
I just be happy?]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club KiraBlaine https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/new-song/#post-4821