https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/no-title/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 11:09:55 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/no-title/#post-64280 Sat, 31 Jul 2004 12:44:34 +0000 Guitar Noise Songwriting Club outoftheloop https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/no-title/#post-64280 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/no-title/#post-64247 Sat, 31 Jul 2004 00:21:39 +0000
Meaning they are like out the door, the room is packed ect.

What do you mean breaks? I seperated them to make them easier to read..Idk if that is what you are asking.

Thanks for the critiques both of you :)]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Emptydreams06 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/no-title/#post-64247 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/no-title/#post-64240 Fri, 30 Jul 2004 23:14:37 +0000
Anyway, overall I like it, but have to agree with gmilam that the last two lines of verse 2 seem a bit confused.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Omega https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/no-title/#post-64240 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/no-title/#post-64233 Fri, 30 Jul 2004 22:16:12 +0000
The only thing I would say is verse 2 was a little awkward for me.

They're aligning the walls
and filling the seats
yet I can't tell where they end
and some of which i have yet to meet

Maybe something like:

They're aligning the walls
and filling the seats
Lots of familiar faces
and some of which i have yet to meet

just an idea...

Good writing!]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club gmilam https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/no-title/#post-64233 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/no-title/#post-2950 Fri, 30 Jul 2004 22:07:54 +0000

The stale smell of the room
the guests all in mimic attire
black and white, dark colors
to match their emotionless faces


They're aligning the walls
and filling the seats
yet I can't tell where they end
and some of which i have yet to meet


So this is their goodbye (this is their goodbye)
a final farewell, so-long to me
seen through drowned eyes
i'm nothing but a memory
This is their goodbye, this is their goodbye


Seated in my final bed
Cherry-oak at its finest
no more tears i will shed
its over now, and no regrets


My mother strokes my hair
I'll remember those hands
soft and cold, almost unreal
her last chance to feel
her son in her view


So this is their goodbye (this is their goodbye)
a final farewell, so-long to me
seen through drowned eyes
i'm nothing but a memory
This is their goodbye, this is their goodbye


This is my goodbye (this is my goobye)
so-long, farewell to me
seen through my eyes
i'll be only a memory
This is my goodbye (this is my goodbye)]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Emptydreams06 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/no-title/#post-2950