https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 20:17:21 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191910 Thu, 03 Aug 2006 03:26:18 +0000 Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Misanthrope https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191910 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191900 Thu, 03 Aug 2006 02:48:02 +0000 I have to agree with Purple ,those two lines I thought were a bit weak.... maybe
" On the right side of diasaster" and although they are a bit clicheed/ cringy " Heart that can't dance/ A hearts lost chance...dunno ?
In verse 2 I'd flip lines 2&3... to me... it sounds better . Also, do you really need 4
choruses ? That's just me tho I 'm not too fond of excessive repetition unless it's really catchy ?]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Spino https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191900 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191657 Tue, 01 Aug 2006 10:46:34 +0000
You know you are fantastic! My only thoughts....

beyond the ridge of disaster

I am not sure ridge is the proper word to use here. Something like edge, brink, brim would make more sense but are unfortunately a little cliche. Hmm.. maybe 'Beyond the realm of disaster.'

of a heart that can't take a chance

This line doesn't thirll me probably because I know the lyrics aren't the same but every time I read it my mind immediately goes to Bette Midler's song 'The Rose.' This may just be because I am crazy. Even if you considered my craziness, no idea what a good change or just rewording would be, the line is pretty great as it is.

Great Job!

Happy Writing,
Purple]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club purple https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191657 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191636 Tue, 01 Aug 2006 05:27:49 +0000
welcome back. I like your song, I havent heard it yet so my comments are based on the read only. I seems to me that each verse is articulating 2 points, and I like the way the way you run the 3 lines together to make each one, I just wonder whether on the 4th line of each verse how a more converstional approach might sound

eg. love and laughter
teetering somewhere
beyond the ridge of disaster
that passion and romance
lost in the void
of a heart that can't take a chance that way it becomes less of a list of points.

The way I see the chorus is AABB so in that sense I dont have the same urge as Dneck for the last line to change,

Anyway pretty good song I think, I look forward to hearing it.

cheers

Paul]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191636 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191626 Tue, 01 Aug 2006 05:07:02 +0000
Princess lies choking
on words never spoken
drowning in memories

when I got here before I read the next part I wanted the last line to be

of dreams that are broken

but depending on the music it might be better with or without a rhyme i dunno, anyways just a thought.

I like the song, kinda makes me thing about Jasmine from Aladdin.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Dneck https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191626 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191459 Mon, 31 Jul 2006 00:34:00 +0000
Yeah, I've been gone quite a while, I guess ... been focussing on my band ... which has hit a snag currently as we're down a couple of members ... but, the upside of that is I have some time on my hands to do some writing on my own while we rebuild :)

It never occured to me that unfurls is a bit of an odd word ... you're right, though, unfolds would probably work better - I will change it.

:) Portia]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Portia https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191459 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191457 Mon, 31 Jul 2006 00:25:31 +0000 Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Elecktrablue https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191457 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191456 Mon, 31 Jul 2006 00:17:05 +0000
The only thing I'd suggest is to replace "unfurl" with another word. It's a word that seems to only show up when someone wants a rhyme for "world" and in spite of that it's a pretty unwieldy word. An off-rhyme such as "unfolds" would work better.

Looking forward to more.

Peace]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-191456 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-19440 Sun, 30 Jul 2006 23:32:53 +0000 Princess

VERSE 1
love and laughter
teetering somewhere
beyond the ridge of disaster
passion and romance
lost in the void
of a heart that can't take a chance

CHORUS
Princess lies choking
on words never spoken
drowning in memories
of dreams that will never be

VERSE 2
success and ambition
tangled among
plans never brought to fruition
wants and desires
burried within
a soul afraid to climb higher

CHORUS
Princess lies choking
on words never spoken
drowning in memories
of dreams that will never be

BRIDGE
faceless to the world
lost to herself
her future unfolds
we all know it well
empty and vain
a candle without a flame
not broken or maimed
but dead just the same

CHORUS
Princess lies choking
on words never spoken
drowning in memories
of dreams that will never be

CHORUS
Princess lies choking
on words never spoken
drowning in memories
of dreams that will never be

_________________________________________________________

This does have music ... you can hear it here: http://portia.dmusic.com
comments and suggestions on words, music, or both are welcome and appreciated.

:) Portia]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Portia https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/princess/#post-19440