https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 02:23:06 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-335438 Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:30:37 +0000
Seriously?

You do have a couple of good things in there, but let me count the ways it isn't perfect:

forced rhyme
twisted sentence structure to fit your scheme, for instance "Like you use condoms. I'll avenge," That, darlin', is an amateur mistake. Or how about "And with a scorn I'll pass you by" with a scorn? Seriously? That is a perfect lyric? C'mon, you are either pulling my leg or you're ignorant.

"They all have taken me awry" linguistically you should know this is off. Way off. As a lyricist you should know this just isn't a good line.

It is too wordy for lyrics
really poor, almost non-existent imagery
the meter is off in several places
poor word choice, "Alas" and "Volatile" don't come up much in modern lyrics
Jack and Rose appear in the first line and disappear. Why?

If you weren't so pretentious, I wouldn't be so harsh, but this isn't even good poetry. It certainly isn't a good set of lyrics. It's uninspired, meaningless drivel written by an obnoxious, 19 year old know it all.

Do us all a favor and publish this in a book that no one will read and quit posting it here. We are not impressed.

It's a shame. There are probably a dozen writers on this board who could help you. None of them are perfect, but each has a strength that could make you a better lyricist. You could learn so much if you'd only listen.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Nick Torres https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-335438 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-335431 Wed, 29 Jul 2009 13:02:46 +0000 They're not as good as lyrics can be, someone thinks they could be improved; and the purpose of this forum is to critique and be critiqued and to accept that others will have ideas to improve what you've written.

I'm locking this thread before it heads further south.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Alan Green https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-335431 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-335299 Tue, 28 Jul 2009 02:38:51 +0000 Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Preacher https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-335299 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-335228 Mon, 27 Jul 2009 12:39:29 +0000 Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-335228 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-335191 Mon, 27 Jul 2009 03:49:21 +0000
"You used me, then you found the change,
And though I'm wild and volatile,
I can't forget, I will avenge.
Alas, romance is not my style."

possibly so that it would be something like this

You used me, then you found a change,
And though Im not so volitile,
I cant forget, and shall avenge

as a bridge... all in all its a good poem, but its rather wordy for a song in my opinion.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Preacher https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-335191 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-36654 Fri, 17 Jul 2009 11:22:44 +0000 "You jump - I jump" - a stupid oath.
But they all failed to figure out
Who had survived and who had drowned.
They all have taken me awry,
They call me she-who-loves-that-guy.
They wait to see how far I'll get,
And I just quit with no regret.

You fall - I fall -
It sounds weird.
I couldn't care less, my dear!
I'll watch you fall and be so glad.
You failed me. Now regret, regret.

Alas, romance is not my style.
I'm somewhat wild, I'm volatile.
I was that girl, but now I've grown
To know I'm better on my own.
You used me, then you found the change,
Like you use condoms. I'll avenge,
Or fate will do, my lovely guy,
And with a scorn I'll pass you by.

You fall - I fall -
It sounds weird.
I couldn't care less, my dear!
I'll watch you fall and be so glad.
You failed me. Now regret, regret.

You used me, then you found the change,
And though I'm wild and volatile,
I can't forget, I will avenge.
Alas, romance is not my style.

You fall - I fall -
It sounds weird.
I couldn't care less, my dear!
I'll watch you fall and be so glad.
You failed me. Now regret, regret.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/regret-regret-2/#post-36654