https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 11:23:30 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221656 Wed, 10 Jan 2007 19:26:47 +0000
:wink: mystic]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club mysticmoonangel https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221656 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221632 Wed, 10 Jan 2007 17:08:41 +0000
But unless the narrator is willing to express his/her side of the problem more, as in taking more responsibility for leaving things unsaid - or in the song to at least explain a little more (which could be a good fleshing out of the song), it might be an interesting experiment to leave the first-person narrator charater completely out of the song and make it third-person; i.e. instead of "I know a lonely lady" it would be "There was a lonely lady."

For "and it echos through my head all the words that went unsaid" it could be something like "And it echoes through all time, the unspoken, simple line - I love you."

That way, since the first-person character is pretty much already absent in the story, make it all third-person to even it up.

Just some thoughts.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club DemoEtc https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221632 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221563 Wed, 10 Jan 2007 08:27:57 +0000
Not to sound too negative with your work here , but Iam struggling with the different length of lines ..

Now I am no writer myself but I am forever being told "if you keep the lines uniform then flow of the song is much better " ...

Now if you keep this going through out the song like this

I know a lady a lonley lady
always livin in the past
shadows filed away
neatly on the shelf
----

I think you could have a really excellent piece

I'm looking at the beginning of each line do you really need some of those words such as " and " She " ???

I'll revisit this when I get home tonight , sitting down haveing a beer is when I do my best thinking , currently in a forum and I am suppose to be listening to the worlds most boreing public speaker ..this has been going on all day ....

Sorry

Trevor]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221563 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221507 Wed, 10 Jan 2007 05:49:53 +0000 just reading between the lines here I would guess that she does have a soul but just doesnt know it. It looks like she is afraid of her real self, especially her "present moment" self. she holds onto the past,to scared to unfold maybe you could expand on that line of thinking.

Paul]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221507 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221506 Wed, 10 Jan 2007 05:44:42 +0000
thanks for your input you have a good point and i will look at that and see if i can come up with a way to some how explain why she has no soul
(i know why she has no soul i hope i can put it into words) some how it always seems that i get stuck and cant finish most my songs thanks again for your input

:wink: mystic]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club mysticmoonangel https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221506 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221352 Tue, 09 Jan 2007 21:57:25 +0000
I think youve got the bones of a good song here. What I felt was missing though was an insight into why "the lady" has no soul. It feels to me to be a bit detached. I also had trouble trying to put a structure around it. Maybe a clearly defined chorus and a hook thats emphisised, something like; "She aint got no soul She aint got no soul". Then build the song around that point. Stick with it though cos you can do something really good with what youve got here.

Paul]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-221352 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-23223 Tue, 09 Jan 2007 20:16:31 +0000
THANKS :wink: MYSTIC

THEY SAY SHES A LADY

I know a lady a lonley lady
always livin in the past
shadows filed away
neatly on the shelf
she holds her head up high
cant see threw the clouds in her eyes
they say shes a lady, but she aint got no soul
she holds onto the past,to scared to unfold
for in the shaddows cobb webs have growen
and she grows another year older
and still it weighs heavy on her shoulders
and into the dark she crawls
another endless night
looking for the light she can not find
and so it echoes threw my head
all the words that go un said
and she proudly holds her self up high
they say shes a lady, but she aint got no soul
she holds onto the past to scared to un fold
and she grows another year older
and still it weighs heavy on her shoulders
and into the stony ground
she takes her burdened heart
and there she waits
for the light she could not find
and it echos threw my head all the words that went unsaid]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club mysticmoonangel https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/they-say-shes-a-lady-rewrite/#post-23223