https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 09:25:10 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-178829 Thu, 25 May 2006 06:52:49 +0000
If you feel offended by that..... meh. whatever... :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club nolongerme https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-178829 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168364 Sat, 25 Mar 2006 16:34:19 +0000
If you feel offended by that..... meh.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club martin-6 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168364 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168337 Sat, 25 Mar 2006 07:24:29 +0000
Gets a :D :D :D :D :D from me......

Vic]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168337 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168312 Sat, 25 Mar 2006 05:11:58 +0000
So it was intentional, and would've been a good idea to ask me that before lashing out at me like a total jerk.

Thank you for your comments, with one notable exception.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168312 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168300 Sat, 25 Mar 2006 04:29:21 +0000
No matter which way I read this song, it's Rogue's back-story. If that's what you were going for then you did a good job, if not then there's no avoiding the correlation.
As a young teenaged Rogue kisses a boy, and accidentally puts him into a coma.
Her abusive drunk father tries to kill her for being a "freak."
Part of Rogue's power is that when she touches someone's skin part of that person gets stuck inside her head for a certain amount of time. (Unless she kill's the person, then they're trapped inside of her forever.) - This is obviously the chorus.

I'm not a big comic book fan, but the back stories of the x-men characters are brilliant, so I know most of them, and I wouldn't blame anyone for using them as inspiration, but if you don't cite them as reference then people will think your stealing someone else's ideas.

As far as the song goes, I think it's good. Although some variation in the chorus might spice things up a bit, it's probably not necessary. I'd like to hear this when you record it.

Keep it up.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Saber https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168300 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168202 Fri, 24 Mar 2006 18:56:47 +0000
The general feeling I got when reading this is that it was lacking a third verse. For anyone following the story, it ends at "deadly kiss", halfway through the song, and everything from there on is basically repetition. You need a fresh narrative element further on in the song. And those choruses? You might get sick of sing 18 lines' worth of it. Perhaps you could change the words as it goes on. For example
I feel him, eating all my bread
I feel him, using a paint that does not contain lead
I bear him, dressing up as a dame
I bear him, writing lyrics that are lame
I hear him, steal a traffic cone
I hear him, releasing farts I can't condone I wouldn't agree....I think the song is great how it is. The structure of a song should be exactly how the artist wants it to be. I've written songs that use repition too... so don't get what you're saying here... :shock: :shock: :shock:]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club nolongerme https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168202 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168176 Fri, 24 Mar 2006 17:01:21 +0000
The general feeling I got when reading this is that it was lacking a third verse. For anyone following the story, it ends at "deadly kiss", halfway through the song, and everything from there on is basically repetition. You need a fresh narrative element further on in the song. And those choruses? You might get sick of sing 18 lines' worth of it. Perhaps you could change the words as it goes on. For example
I feel him, eating all my bread
I feel him, using a paint that does not contain lead
I bear him, dressing up as a dame
I bear him, writing lyrics that are lame
I hear him, steal a traffic cone
I hear him, releasing farts I can't condone I put all this work into writing something and it gets taken as a joke. Really hurts my feelings. I'm done posting songs on here. There are plently of people and places I can ask who won't take cheap shots at me.]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168176 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168158 Fri, 24 Mar 2006 15:06:12 +0000
The general feeling I got when reading this is that it was lacking a third verse. For anyone following the story, it ends at "deadly kiss", halfway through the song, and everything from there on is basically repetition. You need a fresh narrative element further on in the song. And those choruses? You might get sick of sing 18 lines' worth of it. Perhaps you could change the words as it goes on. For example
I feel him, eating all my bread
I feel him, using a paint that does not contain lead
I bear him, dressing up as a dame
I bear him, writing lyrics that are lame
I hear him, steal a traffic cone
I hear him, releasing farts I can't condone]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club martin-6 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168158 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168119 Fri, 24 Mar 2006 06:27:28 +0000 Guitar Noise Songwriting Club nolongerme https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-168119 https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-167847 Thu, 23 Mar 2006 10:21:26 +0000 I feel him, crawling through my head
I feel him, crawling with the dead
I bear him, as a token of blame
I bear him, as a symbal of shame
I hear him, rattling me to the bone
I hear him, as I walk the road alone
"symbol" is a bit of an awkward word here, I think "mark" would fit really well and is a darker image (going with your song)
Or "brand of shame" thats even darker haha

I also couldn't help but want to put "cross" as the thing to bear. That will dredge up a lot of imagry on its own without you having to say anything more. Dunno if that peaks your fancy but I like throwing biblical allusions into my songs sometimes.

I hear him rattle me to the bone (the ing ending and then moving to past tense is a little weird in the original)
I hear him as I walk alone (as hilch suggested this is easier to swallow)

I like it, you better be screaming that part at the end haha]]> Guitar Noise Songwriting Club Dneck https://guitarnoise.forum/guitar-noise-songwriting-club/unobtainable-touch/#post-167847