https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ask-somebody/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 05:15:47 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ask-somebody/#post-56005 Mon, 01 Dec 2003 22:33:30 +0000
Good writing.  Apart from the occasional meter issue, I think you did a great job.

The first line of verse two seems a little odd.

I look forward to seeing more of your stuff.

Nick]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Nick Torres https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ask-somebody/#post-56005 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ask-somebody/#post-56004 Thu, 27 Nov 2003 01:41:56 +0000
Welcome to SSG.

This is a good start and it's a good story that you've put down here.

Olav is right the chorus is supposed to start 'Ask Somebody Who Loves Me'

Check the metre of the song as I stumbled over some of the lines - sometimes that's down to our interpretation as you know how you want it to sound.

Good stuff - give it a day or so and take on board Olav's contribution and then have another look.

Bob  ;)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ask-somebody/#post-56004 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ask-somebody/#post-56003 Wed, 26 Nov 2003 18:37:19 +0000 I like the song.
It need some work but the story is good
However the chorus was supposed to start with -Ask someone who loves me  

Line 1 (starts the song) They know who I am  
Line 2(starts the chorus) Ask someone who loves me  

So rearranging the lines in the chorus and it may look like suggested

Chorus suggestion
Ask someone who loves me
They know Ive paid my dues
Now Ive landed my chance, withstood the abuse
Ill make it bigtime start spreading the news

V1 suggestion
Need some work. Last line does not seem to fit the content. Everybody knows THEIR name not yet the rising star.
How about saying- Soon everybody will know when you say my name

V2 suggestion
Line 3   a lot of people fell along the way
Line 4   but now Im hanging with the ones that killed
Line 5 and 6    I can see what you are trying to say here it just seems cluttered, sorry- See if you may be able to do something to clean it up. I dont have a good suggestion for you right now

V3 suggestion
Last line does not fit the content. Seem like you just put that line in there because of the rhyming. Its the last line, it should have some punch. Be aware of that in the future
Line 1   so come on and test me, I know you will try
Line 2   Im ready when you are, come test this new guy
Line 3   I know who you are and what you can do
Line 4   I know what I am and Im rising past you

Hope I was not too hard on you. You have a good start, it just need some work
Keep on writing, -and rewriting.
Blessings
Olav
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Olav https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ask-somebody/#post-56003 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ask-somebody/#post-1540 Wed, 26 Nov 2003 12:33:57 +0000
they know who i am
they see themselves when they look at me.
and they know what i'm about to do.
cuz they remember when they look at me.
i'm about to play their game
everybody knows when you say my name.

that i'm about to come up bigtime
i paid my dues, and i got my chance
i'm about to come up bigtime
ask someone whho loves me.

and the big boys, they can't wait to get started
they remember how they got grilled
a lot of people, they fell along the way
but now im hanging with the ones that killed
and they know what i know, but everybody's got their tricks
and they know that i know, but everybody's gonna seal their lips.

i'm about to come up bigtime
i paid my dues, and i got my chance
i'm about to come up bigtime
ask someone who loves me

so come on and test me, i know you wanna test me
im ready when you are
you hardly know this new guy
but i know who you are
you got yours, well i'm about to get mine
in the end everything will be fine.

i'm about to come up bigtime
i paid my dues, and i got my chance
i'm about to come up bigtime
ask someone who loves me

end


ok there it is.  kinda rough i know.  like i said, this is song no 1, so i'd like some feedback.  go ahead and just be brutal.  i have thick skin.   :)

ask somebody
copyright 2003
john whitehead]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ask-somebody/#post-1540