https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 05:11:07 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-226419 Fri, 02 Feb 2007 19:33:41 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group lavadave https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-226419 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-226325 Fri, 02 Feb 2007 07:50:00 +0000
I like the edits, except the last one. I really, really prefer "heartbreak" over "heart attack." Heartbreak contrasts dramatically against the "megaphone scream," and says something personal about the singer--it paints a more poignant picture, IMO.

Oh, couple more typos--in the second verse, probably should be "adorn YOUR poems", and in the second to last verse, "rocking and rolling like AN empty chair."

Great piece of work, Lavadave!

Margaret]]> Sunday Songwriters Group margaret https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-226325 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-226312 Fri, 02 Feb 2007 06:40:21 +0000
I can definitely see this being a metal song, though you may surprise me...although it reads well enough, there's no bridge or chorus, I just wonder about dynamics...although, if you're planning a metal song, that shouldn't matter too much....

My first guess would've been Ozzy...I'm not too well up on metal though, so no 2nd guess....

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-226312 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-226079 Wed, 31 Jan 2007 21:39:47 +0000
it sounds like a hard rock or metal song to me. You could be referering to anybody really, Judas Priest maybe ?

As for the song I thing its well written, well done.

cheers

Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-226079 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-226059 Wed, 31 Jan 2007 19:08:00 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group lavadave https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-226059 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-225965 Wed, 31 Jan 2007 02:22:05 +0000
I like the rewrite. Sometimes small changes can make a
BIG difference in a lyric.

One small thing "Heart attach" Did you by chance mean "Heart attack"?

As for who it is about I'll guess Ozzy Osborne :?:

Good Work

John]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-225965 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-225939 Tue, 30 Jan 2007 23:58:54 +0000
All I meant by singing like a choke is singing that sounds like choking.

I've reworked a few of the lyrics for flow and interest.

You shy old shouter
Sing song pouter
Preaching on stage with the faith of a doubter
You sing and growl
In a devil's howl
Black raven songs in the hour of the owl

Lyrics of doom
From your empty tomb
Croaking a ballad of love and gloom
Painful noise
And distortion toys
Adorn your poems and poison your joys

Broken chimes
and Cocaine rhymes
Street walker beats and midnight crimes (switched around order)
The tools of your work
Like the graveyard clerk
Observing love with an epitaph smirk

Bent back broke
Breathing smoke
Cough out wisdom, sing in a choke
Your lapsed priest stare
And crow black glare
Rocking and rolling like an empty chair

Tick and tock
Goes a gothic clock
Banging on steel as your songs unlock
Pictures green
And Truth so mean
Heart attack whispers in a megaphone scream]]> Sunday Songwriters Group lavadave https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-225939 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-225705 Mon, 29 Jan 2007 23:42:25 +0000
Who its' about I have no idea I thought of Johnny Cash and Roy Orbinson only because of the colour black ....

I like the read on this the second verse pulled me into it ..

One qusetion though ..What is singing like a choke , I have never heard that before , just curious ...

Well done

Trevor]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-225705 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-23669 Mon, 29 Jan 2007 19:49:10 +0000
You Shy Old Shouter - 1/29/07

You shy old shouter
Sing song pouter
I see you on stage with the faith of a doubter
You sing and growl
In a devil's howl
Black raven songs in the hour of the owl

Lyrics of doom
From your empty tomb
Croaking a ballad of love and gloom
Painful noise
And distorted toys
Adorn you poems and poison your joys

The tools of your work
Like the graveyard clerk
Observing love with an epitaph smirk
Broken chimes
and Cocaine rhymes
Street walker beats and midnight crimes

Bent back broke
Breathing in smoke
Coughing out wisdom, singing like a choke
Your lapsed priest stare
And crow black glare
Rocking and rolling like and empty chair

Tick and tock
Goes your gothic clock
Banging on steel as your songs unlock
Pictures green
And Truth so mean
Heartbreak whispers in a megaphone scream]]> Sunday Songwriters Group lavadave https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/dave-weeks-12-13/#post-23669