https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ice-creams-the-best-thing/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 07:11:28 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ice-creams-the-best-thing/#post-367895 Mon, 11 Jul 2011 05:03:49 +0000
Good start :)

I like this line a lot:
When your lying on the beach
sun so close you can reach

Suggestions:

1 Sometimes referencing another song in your song can pull the listener away from your song....it's better to keep the listener in your song.

2 Consider sticking with one location to focus your idea, otherwise you end up more with a travel brochure point of view.

3 Consider more descriptive concrete details over general For example: Ice creams, thing, any Ville


Thanks for sharing.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ice-creams-the-best-thing/#post-367895 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ice-creams-the-best-thing/#post-41513 Sun, 10 Jul 2011 19:13:12 +0000 and the days are all gritty
and like that song once said
the streets are hotter than a matchhead

Ice creams the best thing
Ice creams the Best Thing
I'm lovin my spoonful
And filling my belly full

When your lying on the beach
sun so close you can reach
Wasting away again in any Ville
Isn't the urge I wanna fill

Ice creams the best thing
Ice creams the Best Thing
I'm lovin my spoonful
And filling my belly full
:lol:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pearlthekat2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ice-creams-the-best-thing/#post-41513