https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 09:04:53 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-206130 Sun, 29 Oct 2006 02:34:24 +0000
The years may have made us older , and now your hair does not reach your shoulder
Like those days when we were very young
Sometimes late at night when the feeling is all right
I see that smile and think of those ribbons in your hair
You must have read my mind for I have prayed one day we would find
As you told me you still have those ribbons for your hair

----------------------

And now back to bed]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-206130 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-206052 Sat, 28 Oct 2006 18:45:19 +0000
Is that time changes people and we are not always the same people we were when we younger with care free lives and life was good time with no responabilities as we age the laughs are still there but sometimes it just seems we are liveing in a different world to the one that was all happiness and fun ..

Not saying we don't have fun now but life in general is totally different and we have grown up and matured like wine the older we get the better get at it :lol: ..

The ribbons are symbolic of the young girl I married , not saying there isn't love or good times , but more of saying I loved those times and the present just doesn't seem to be as exciting ( not with my wife but life )

Its' probably more complex then it seems but I love to sit back with some of mates have some beers and talk about ( oh my god I am going to ) the good old days ..

I hope I have dribbled on too much here but I thought I would try to explain it , I read somewhere once if you have to explain a verse or lyric then it needs to be re writen ..So I guess the last verse needs to be rewriten to something along the lines of what Vic has suggested as he has a verse that doesn't end the song as if I am bitter or something ...

Hope my explaination isn't long winded and makes sense

Trevor
ps Vic

Yep I get an idea and must finish it , I hate not haveing it finished when I sit down to write the final draft . My note pad is now littered with 2 liners I have heard people say and thoughts I get ( I must be weird as some are pretty much out there with circle people )I hope I never lose it as it has my name on it .. :lol: :lol:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-206052 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-206008 Sat, 28 Oct 2006 16:57:16 +0000
While I think the change in the last verse you made was better, I tend to agree with Vic. I am, however, looking at the song as "I" want it to feel. If by doing what we are saying, it changes the sentiments to something foriegn to you, you should sitck to your guns and let the song be true to you.

Neil]]> Sunday Songwriters Group chefie https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-206008 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-205970 Sat, 28 Oct 2006 06:39:33 +0000
1980 actually mate married not long after the after her 18th birthday actually ..

I ll do what you suggested next time

Thanks


Trevor]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-205970 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-205946 Sat, 28 Oct 2006 03:25:41 +0000
I like the story, but....the ending - even the revised version - is too downbeat.....you've been married for 23 years, it should be happy, uplifting yea even unto JOYOUS......."What happened to that girl..." - you're making it sound like she's a different girl to the one you fell in love with.....

can I suggest, for the last verse, you try something along the lines of.....

Now sometimes late at night, when the feeling's right,
And there's no-one else around,
Just for me you wear, those ribbons in your hair,
Then you let your hair down.......

That's just a suggestion, but it seems more upbeat, more positive......

I like your rhyming scheme, the internal rhymes and then the different rhyme for the next line....

But in the first verse, it seems a little forced.....

I remember you had ribbons in your hair
And your father was standing there
Your mother was close by to...
You never looked at me as I whistled at you
Though I think I saw you smile

maybe something like......

I saw you standing there, ribbons in your hair,
Your mum and dad were standing close by,
You seemed to look straight through, me as I stared at you,
But was that the start of a smile?

again, that's just a suggestion......

Tighten up the rhymes a little, there's a good rhythm flowing through this - I get a kind of 50's vibe from it, even though you and Trudi must have met in the 80's....

I like what you've got, once again the basics are there, you just need to work at tightening things up....but the basic idea's good, the rhythm's good, you've got maybe 75-80% of a bloody good song - sometimes it seems as though you've got a really good idea for a song, then you rush to get it written - don't be scared of taking a step back and leaving it for a couple of days, maybe get a little more perspective.....

Anyway what do I know.....I bet Trudi likes it!

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-205946 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-205933 Sat, 28 Oct 2006 01:28:08 +0000
After reading this over and over with your comments in my mind I think your right , I should revise that verse ...

So this is what I have come up with and thanks for telling me how it made you feel ..( appreciated )

Many years have gone by
Makes me wonder why and
What happened to that girl
Now its' a different world
So put back the ribbons in your hair
Cause baby I really do care


Is that better ? ?????]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-205933 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-205752 Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:12:38 +0000
I actually thought it was getting a little long and it to end so I ended it ..

I didn't want to write somethng that was going to end up being War and peace :lol: :lol:

thanks

Hilch]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-205752 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-205726 Thu, 26 Oct 2006 20:10:35 +0000
You had me really hooked. I was just reading along and really enjoying the ride . . . . . . but . . . . . . don't you just love buts . . . . . . . the last verse kinda left me flat. I don't know if it was because it came all too sudden, or what. And it's only the first two sentences . . . . What happened . . . Now it's . . . . .. that bother me. The last two lines are in keeping with the rest. Maybe I was enjoying the ride so much I just wanted to be let down softer.

All in all though, I think it's one of you better songs. Has a real charming quality.
Thanks for sharing.

Neil]]> Sunday Songwriters Group chefie https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-205726 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-21357 Thu, 26 Oct 2006 07:14:40 +0000 "Ok guys how did you meet your wives ?" Well I don't who told the bigger lie :lol: :lol: but one thing was common through out the discussions , we all fell for some pretty girl who is still with us after many many years
23 years of marriage for me soon , some told of 40 years anniversaries ..

This is a bit of a mix of all the stories and I am the guy with the can of coke and packet of smokes in here ...

Ribbons ( please feel free to have a chuckle )






I say it was love
Love at first sight
You say no way
I say yes it was
You say no way
I say yes it was , it was for me...

I remember you had ribbons in your hair
And your father was standing there
Your mother was close by to...
You never looked at me as I whistled at you
Though I think I saw you smile

When you went to the shop , I thought I'd better hop
I wanted to bump into you
So I took my chance , I saw you glance
Acting like you never even seen me
My heart was racing , hands were shaking
I had to try to be kool

With my can of coke and packet of smokes
I turned and winked at you
You smiled and said "Hi" I nearly died
I replied "You know I have been watching you"
You said yeah like you didn't care , then walked away


I say it was love
Love at first sight
You say no way
I say yes it was
You say no way
I say yes it was , it was for me...


What were the odds of me scoring that job
You had to come and see me every other day
Always with the ribbons in your hair
And that smile was always there


What happened to that girl
Now its' a different world
So put back the ribbons in your hair
Cause baby I really do care


I say it was love
Love at first sight
You say no way
I say yes it was
You say no way
I say yes it was , it was for me...


I say yes it was , it was for me...


==========

As always feed back bad , good , or what ever always welcome and replied to ..

Trevor]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ribbons-week-51/#post-21357