https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-24-rough-waters/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 13:11:05 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-24-rough-waters/#post-239359 Sun, 22 Apr 2007 15:06:35 +0000
And, I'm not trying to be different here....
As a matter of fact, I was shocked to see the replies about
Waves of let down, and undertoes of depression.

That was actually my favorite part.
I related to it in a big way.
As a matter of fact,
When I started reading this, it grabbed me immediately.

The writing has a certain "ambiguity" to it that I myself find refreshing in someones writing.
I sat up in my chair right away when I pulled this song up.
As it didn't treat me like a child and 'tell' me everything.
Then I got to the lines about undertoes of depression; it reminded me of something I wrote years ago.
Not a song.
If I can find it, I'll post it here somewhere.
I think you'll enjoy it.

And as far as the - why can't I bring myself to leave? part....
I liked that too.
A musical question.
There can never be enough of those.

When I read it, I tried to picture your voice in my head.
Then I tried to mesh that with an arpeggiated ACOUSTIC guitar ( I don't know why it was not electric ???? )
and then the electric full chord strums via the Pixies/Nirvana soft verse hard chorus style.
It came off rather well like that to me.
Perhaps a bit darker - Throw in a bit of Sisters of Mercy's first album sound into that mix and that was how I heard it.

Yes I really related to this song - in both style and content.

Thankx

Ken

EDIT - I don't know if you've heard of Sisters of Mercy????
If you haven't - they're one of those bands that you'll either LOVE or LAUGH at.
I really enjoyed their album First and Last and Always.
Especially: Marian, Nine While Nine, and Some Kind of Stranger.
If you can, look up the lyrics to those. I think you might like them.
I think youtube has a Marian video.

Ken]]> Sunday Songwriters Group CitiZenNoir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-24-rough-waters/#post-239359 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-24-rough-waters/#post-239132 Sat, 21 Apr 2007 04:32:35 +0000
"Go with the certain" - just doesn't read well to me, maybe something like "go with the certainty" or "go with the sure thing" might be better....

On first read, I wasn't sure about the repetition of "cliff" in the first verse, but I realised you'd used that device throughout the song - introduce something, then describe it in the next line. Where it doesn't work is in the third line of the second verse, and "waves of let-down" doesn't read too well either - I'd be tempted to drop it altogether there, use something like "Waves of disappointment smash it into the rocks"....(three uses of "bridge" just struck me as one too many...)

I like the wordplay in the "The plain is gone...etc" section but these two lines don't seem to follow logically -

"No time to breathe
So why can't I bring myself to leave?"

If you couldn't breathe, you would find it hard to leave - you'd find it hard to do anything! Sorry, that's me being facetious! - but trying to make a point. Possibly something like "I find it hard to breathe, I should pull myself together and leave..."

Overall, I like it - you've definitely captured a mood with the lyrics, it just needs a little tightening up of the imagery. As always, that's just MY opinion....

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-24-rough-waters/#post-239132 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-24-rough-waters/#post-238481 Mon, 16 Apr 2007 22:09:32 +0000 The plain is gone
The desert is here
Migraine makes me pale
Dryness turns my skin to scale
No time to breathe
So why can't I bring myself to leave? I don't like the bolded part, I'd remove that. The rest is good though.

Nice job.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Kevin72790 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-24-rough-waters/#post-238481 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-24-rough-waters/#post-238391 Mon, 16 Apr 2007 10:51:02 +0000
This is good IMO, it was Jimi Hendrix singing this in my head. Just a couple of things from my point of view.
I love the transition from land to sea in your verses; the metaphoric cliff to rough (troubled) waters is great. My feeling is that in the second verse the last line is just a tad literal:
There used to be a bridge where this divide lay
A bridge of promise, hope and reward
Waves of let down crash the bridge against the cliff
Undertoes of depression sweep it out to sea
and I would change that to: Undertoes of depression sweep it out that sea I don't know it just seems more metaphoric and in keeping with the first verse to me.

The other thing that I wonder about is this verse FOllowed a road map to get to this peak
The map is torn, my plans are gone
The pressure causes me to fall off the plateau
Ghosts of dead dreams haunt the valley below If it was a bridge Id be happy, but as a verse it just seems too different from your “land to sea” structure that to me, it feels out of place.

I do like this song and look forward to hearing it (if you decide to record).

Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-24-rough-waters/#post-238391 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-24-rough-waters/#post-25202 Mon, 16 Apr 2007 08:21:06 +0000
They nudge me toward the edge of a cliff
A cliff of unknown overlooking the uncertain
Thousands of thoughts going through my head
Go with the certain or dive into rough waters up ahead

There used to be a bridge where this divide lay
A bridge of promise, hope and reward
Waves of let down crash the bridge against the cliff
Undertoes of depression sweep it out to sea

The plain is gone
The desert is here
Migraine makes me pale
Dryness turns my skin to scale
No time to breathe
So why can't I bring myself to leave?

They nudge me toward the edge of a cliff
A cliff of unknown overlooking the uncertain
Thousands of thoughts going through my head
Go with the certain or dive into rough waters up ahead

FOllowed a road map to get to this peak
The map is torn, my plans are gone
The pressure causes me to fall off the plateau
Ghosts of dead dreams haunt the valley below

The plain is gone
The desert is here
Migraine makes me pale
Dryness turns my skin to scale
No time to breathe
So why can't I bring myself to leave?

why can't I bring myself
why can't I bring myself
why can't I bring myself
why can't I bring myself to leave..........]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-24-rough-waters/#post-25202