https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 23:01:39 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312409 Wed, 29 Oct 2008 16:35:21 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312409 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312349 Tue, 28 Oct 2008 14:27:19 +0000 only I wouldn't change the "evil", because (I may be reading it wrong, but still) it allows the reader/listener to think that the persona bringing the flowers is the bad good guy trying to fix the chaos (of the first verses) he has actively contributed to or passively let happen and is now being chased by his former "colleagues" for trying to fix it.

(btw recently saw "The Constant Gardener".. getting a similar feeling of you-can't-change-the-world-helplessness from this)

cheers,
straycat.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312349 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312321 Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:48:43 +0000
I really like Vic's "snow" line. It works well.

John]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312321 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312311 Tue, 28 Oct 2008 01:00:43 +0000 Job done - works for me


A :-)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Alan Green https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312311 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312287 Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:38:48 +0000
I like it, Im hearing a moderate to slow rock (ish) beat in a minor key. As for a title it seems to me that you've already alluded to one, I'm thinking of "Retribution" .

cheers
Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312287 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312275 Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:35:38 +0000
I like the "snow" suggestion. That would make my last verse

Songs of anger songs of pain
Will not bring you back again
I'll leave these flowers in the snow
It's time for me to go now

And, I think we can talk about the good bad guys or the bad good guys or something like that....

Although I took the last revenge
Seems that makes me the wanted man
I'll run and see how far I get
These bad good guys ain't got me yet]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Alan Green https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312275 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312272 Mon, 27 Oct 2008 16:06:23 +0000
Title suggestion: Fugitive in A minor

KR2]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312272 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312270 Mon, 27 Oct 2008 15:17:58 +0000
The two slightly contrasting "Songs of anger, songs of pain" verses tie it all together and bookend it nicely. Just a couple of tiny things....

"This evil hasn't got me yet" - I just wonder if something like "The good guys haven't got me yet" might work a lttle better, as said "good guys" are all on the take.....but you'd have to sing/sneer it with the right amount of irony, or sarcasm...

and "I'll leave these flowers, hope they grow" doesn't quite work for me - I get a mental image of a shadowy guy dropping a bouquet on his dead wife's (or girlfriend's) grave, before turning up his collar and fading into the rainy night....but said bouquet would be withered in a couple of days...or dead in a week....that'd work great in a film, as we'd be wondering what had happened to the protagonist; the film would end on that shot, with the flowers slowly dying, making you wonder if the narrator was slowly dying too - until they brought the sequel out, of course! Not sure what to suggest there, but maybe "leave these flowers in the snow" - it's an old film cliche that it always rains or snows at funerals.

Minor quibbles, though - you've managed to get the story across and fire my imagination, left me with vivid images - so job definitely done! Any music in mind yet, or is it a case of get the lyrics down first and wait till the music suggests itself?

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-312270 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-33813 Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:43:12 +0000
Here's my contribution. A corrrupt politician, a bent cop, an expose in the newspapers, bodies on the streets and retribution. Needs a title.



Songs of anger songs of pain
Will not bring you back again
Though I feel the need to cry we‘ll
Be together by and by

Headlines read “something's amiss
Did your tax dollars pay for this”
He's throwing parties on the beach the
City's crumbling to its knees

Election passed by secret notes
And no-one stopped to count the votes
Do not ask what happened next
It puts a noose around you neck

The City's finest fastest draw
A man sworn to uphold the law
A wad of cash no questions asked
Just take her out and make it fast

Something's wrong it makes no sense
Seems that there's missing evidence
Witnesses cleared out of town
Or face a fresh hole in the ground

Although I took the last revenge
Seems that makes me the wanted man
I'll run and see how far I get
This evil hasn't got me yet

Songs of anger songs of pain
Will not bring you back again
I'll leave these flowers hope they grow
It's time for me to go now]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Alan Green https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-6-week-52-alan-green/#post-33813