https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 14:35:20 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56535 Mon, 02 Feb 2004 21:05:15 +0000
I think I do like what you suggested, Laura...once I figure out my rythm and stuff I'm sure that line will come easier for me.

Thanks again!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56535 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56534 Mon, 02 Feb 2004 05:30:26 +0000
By the way welcome to the forum and all that and of course David's right, on a critique you can't be wrong. Sort of.

good work,
Laura]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BlackSwan https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56534 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56533 Sun, 01 Feb 2004 05:45:42 +0000
Believe it or not, and you can ask "Mr Moderator" Nick about this, but I believe that you can improve your own songwriting skills immensely by taking part in critiques.

Keep at it, please. And "hello and welcome!" by the way. Looking forward to reading more from you.

Peace

]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56533 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56532 Sat, 31 Jan 2004 21:11:25 +0000 "but what I hear
still sounds like a lie"

It's the "from" that makes that not work.  "From what I hear" refers to third party talk.  She's not talking about third party talk; it's her own response.  

I know it changes the rhythm some, but does it destroy it altogether?  
This is a brand new beginner talking, and I'm not experienced enough to really even know if this is valuable feedback.  My apologies if it's not.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56532 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56531 Sat, 31 Jan 2004 02:23:36 +0000
I like what you came up with though. I'm deifnitely going to change it to that.

Thanks for reading and for the encouragement!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56531 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56530 Fri, 30 Jan 2004 02:01:30 +0000
For a "quickie" there's some good stuff here. I think you're right in that some of the meter can be smoothed out. In the first verse:

You say I'm beautiful
That makes me smile
But from what I hear
Still sounds like a lie

The first two lines, by the way, are perfect! Great lead-in to the song. But the third line seems a little awkward. You might try something like this:

You say I'm beautiful
That makes me smile
But everything I hear  (or "every word")
Still sounds like a lie

Keep at it though!

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-56530 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-1679 Wed, 28 Jan 2004 20:28:32 +0000
V1
You say I'm beautiful
That makes me smile
But from what I hear
Still sounds like a lie

CHORUS
No matter what the world sees
Don't care what the world thinks
When I look at my reflection
I see 5,000 flaws

My mood can change like the weather
You never know who I'll be today
It's never been a change for the better
That's just one of my 5,000 flaws

V2
Label me what you will
Call me the artistic type
I just think I'm screwed up
I've never believed all that hype

CHORUS

V3
Look at you, so jealous of me
You think I have it altogether
I don't think I'll ever be free
Of these 5,000 flaws

CHORUS

...my 5,000 flaws
...my 5,000 flaws...
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-5000-flaws/#post-1679