https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 23:55:21 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-56497 Sat, 31 Jan 2004 21:42:45 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-56497 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-56496 Sat, 31 Jan 2004 01:00:03 +0000 this is what i got, please dont let the anger drive u away
Anger is a valid emotion which requires an outlet so don't worry about that.  Initially this comes across pretty well but I agree with david and scratch it doesn't tell the whole story I do think you need to expand on that somewhere in the song but without losing the anger try and hint at it.  I thought the line Jacked me up then stole my spine was going to do that as it did sort of hint at being led astray or coercion.

I'm also getting a fairly slow, minor key feel to it but with plenty of overdrive on the guitar - Is that where you were going?

Good stuff

Bob :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-56496 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-56495 Fri, 30 Jan 2004 13:04:37 +0000
I hope you don't think I'm being too nit-picky with this.  I never used to listen to angry music.  Only since I started participating in this forum have I started to try to read or understand it.  I agree with David.  I think if I was privy to the event itself, this would be a very meaningful piece.  
I think the first verse almost sets the scene, but you could probably split it after "changed your ways" and make it two verses.  Use the rest of verse 1 to fill in the blanks, and then just come up with a lead in to verse two, which would be pretty complete as it is.  
Now here's the nit-picky part:

stab me twice in the back
Feel the trigger
Bleed black...

Typically, stabbing conjures an image of a knife, or possibly sword, dagger, bayonet, ice-pick, whatever.  But triggers are on guns.  (or sometimes on spring-loaded traps, but that wouldn't fit here) I guess... if you stabbed with a bayonet that was attached to a gun,... but by now you're way down to the bridge, and I've totally missed the second verse.  Because either consciously or subconsciously, the listener is trying to resolve this incongruous image in their mind.

This sounds like a good song, but I think you could make it an excellent song.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-56495 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-56494 Fri, 30 Jan 2004 01:57:01 +0000 why the singer is so angry. Could be so many things... Maybe that's part of the appeal.

Personally, though, I'd suggest you might try to give both the narrator and the emotions a little more depth.

Peace

]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-56494 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-56493 Wed, 28 Jan 2004 15:14:32 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group voodoochild https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-56493 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-1668 Tue, 27 Jan 2004 09:11:31 +0000
twice in the back

heard today
left your sin, changed your ways
not me, im not falling
for your fake f*cked sympathy
not after all the sh*t
You buried me
 Must feel good

stab it
stab me twice in the back
Feel the trigger
Bleed black
down
 down
  down
*repeat*

i cant describe
the hate i feel for you at times
times i try
times i love you
you bled me dry
Jacked me up then stole my spine
  i wish you would

stab it
stab me twice in the back
Feel the trigger
Bleed black
down
 down
  down
*repeat*

*bridge*
dont forget
you cried for me
 dont regret
   it dont hurt as much as three
     dont forget
        you let me be

repeat chorus 2x
   
again

voila, what u think?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Fawn_Chino https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-13-twice-in-the-back/#post-1668