https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-14-kaleidoscope-days/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 00:57:15 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-14-kaleidoscope-days/#post-56602 Sat, 07 Feb 2004 03:51:42 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group arunadawn https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-14-kaleidoscope-days/#post-56602 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-14-kaleidoscope-days/#post-56601 Fri, 06 Feb 2004 21:53:00 +0000
Kaleidoscope Days

Monday blues she's crying through ,just cant get out of bed
Indigo eyes filled with  tears,another day she just cant bare
Sunny days , she's bright light smiles but that only lasts a while
And then she cries:  

Where do you go? Who do you call?
When your kaleidoscope days just seem to fade
It winds up  Then down it winds
But whats the difference when you're color blind

Friday night its cherry lips a ruby dress ,a broken hearted crimson mess
At the bar sipping red wine, scarlet haze on her mind ,Saturday morning
she jaded green,  sex and alcohol make her the emerald queen
and she cries:

She stays in bed with a covered head wont face the grays of sunday yet
Blocked shadows wont let her sleep cloudy thoughts and dreams too deep
Where is she going? What has she done? Monday morning starts again
and she cries:  

Where do you go? Who do you call?
When your kaleidoscope days just seem to fade
It winds up  Then down it winds
But whats the difference when you're color blind

As you can see there are actually very few changes,( I told you your writing was good !!! ) but it is shorter, easier to read, rolls of the tongue better and will be easier to sing, and nothing important is gone. I took the spewing line out as it detracted from the gentleness of the song in my opinion , and my opinion is not always right, it is just how I think ok. And the meter is much more important than the rhyming.

Let me know what you think.
Go well
Ja?mir  
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-14-kaleidoscope-days/#post-56601 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-14-kaleidoscope-days/#post-56600 Thu, 05 Feb 2004 05:54:04 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group arunadawn https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-14-kaleidoscope-days/#post-56600 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-14-kaleidoscope-days/#post-56599 Tue, 03 Feb 2004 08:23:40 +0000 a ruby dress and a broken hearted crimson mess
At the bar sipping on red wine
a scarlet haze of depression on her mind Impressive how you managed to incorporate numerous forms of "red"!!

Good work!
rubber ducky]]> Sunday Songwriters Group rubber_ducky https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-14-kaleidoscope-days/#post-56599 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-14-kaleidoscope-days/#post-1698 Tue, 03 Feb 2004 02:37:05 +0000

Kaleidoscope Days

Monday blues she's crying through
cant get out of bed to maked do
Indigo eyes filled with azure tears
another day she just cant bare
Then there are her sunny days
with its piercing sunshine rays
When she's loved its bright light smiles
but that only lasts a while
And then she cries:   chorus

Where do you go?
Who do you call?
When your kaleidoscope days just seem to fade
It winds up
Then down it winds
But whats the difference when you're color blind

V2
Friday night its cherry lips
a ruby dress and a broken hearted crimson mess
At the bar sipping on red wine
a scarlet haze of depression on her mind
Saturday morning she jaded green
sex and alcohol she's and emerald queen
Disgusted with life, sick with regret
she spews her olive stomach all over herself
and she cries: chorus

v3
She stays in bed with a covered head
wont face the murky grays of sunday yet
Blocked shadows wont let her sleep
cloudy thoughts and dreams too deep
Where is she going?
Where has she went?
Then monday morning it starts again
and she cries:  chorus (2)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-14-kaleidoscope-days/#post-1698