https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 07:06:31 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285904 Sun, 23 Mar 2008 06:40:36 +0000
You learn something new every day - but it takes a seasoned pro to put it into simple words we can all understand.

Thanks for about the zillionth time, DH!

:D :D :D

Vic rofl, I was reading Dave's post thinking "I'm gonna have to quote that and point out its a lesson unto itself, and a very valuable one at that. The fact that Vic's beaten me to it just serves to reinforce my view.

Welcome the the SSG, hope you stick around. I'd pretty much echo the sentiments above - it would be good if you gave a brief idea of what kinda music you had/have in mind when posting, I do thee 'imagining melody' thing Vic does, too, and I'm sure a lot of other people around here do the same. Having an idea of the intended tempo, style, etc, helps us to read it the right way, IYKWIM. Hope to be reading more of your stuff in the coming weeks! :D]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Scrybe https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285904 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285892 Sun, 23 Mar 2008 03:46:51 +0000
You learn something new every day - but it takes a seasoned pro to put it into simple words we can all understand.

Thanks for about the zillionth time, DH!

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285892 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285888 Sun, 23 Mar 2008 02:38:51 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group pearlthekat https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285888 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285879 Sun, 23 Mar 2008 02:07:05 +0000
I agree with you that there are many songs that run on too long and can get ruined by that. The temptation is almost always to write as many words as you can and if you look at a lot of writers (take Springsteen as a good example) you can see that their early work seems very wordy compared to their recent material.

But don't fall for the "either / or" trap of thinking when it comes to writing. By it's nature, writing isn't pure emotion. Once anything has words attached to it, it's automatically not the original emotion. Even music is simply a mirror of emotion. Most seasoned songwriters (not to mention writers of just about anything from stories to nonfiction to poetry to scripts or plays) will tell you that rewriting is a vital and important part of one's art. And that's why we're all here, to help each other get better through discussion and rewriting.

In songwriting, a lot of the reason for rewriting is in the act of singing a song. There are a lot of lines that look great when they are written, but trying to sing them , and to have them understood when sung (because the audience (especially in a live show) gets one shot at the lyrics and no lyric sheet to read along with) has to be taken into your thought process.

Both this song and the one you wrote for the Week 1 assignment are good starts. Have you any type of music in mind yet?

Welcome to the SSG and I look forward to reading more from you!

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285879 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285877 Sun, 23 Mar 2008 01:46:59 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Iwillbefamouswatchme https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285877 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285873 Sun, 23 Mar 2008 01:05:20 +0000
I was looking at the song in a slightly different way to John - it's always difficult, at first, to judge a new writer's work, until you get a feeling for his/her style of writing. I found this a bit enigmatic - you didn't want to go into too many specifics, but you got the point of the song across. Too many more details might have made the song a little unwieldy.

The only problem I had was with the meter.....I stumbled over words in a few places. I always try and put some sort of a melody to lyrics as I run them through my head, it may be nothing like the writer intended but that's not important - what is important is it helps with timing.

Compare these two lines.....

"Swept up in the parade" (line 2, first pre-chorus)

"Exploding like a grenade" (line 2, second pre-chorus)

The first has six syllables, the second has seven - makes it slightly awkward to fit them both to the same melody, yes? OK, you can change the emphasis....if you emphasise, or stress, the word "THE" in the first line, and "LIKE" in the second line it seems a little smoother.

There were a couple of other places I had trouble like that - for instance "teenage anxiety" read better as "Teen anxiety" to me - but overall, a pretty decent first submission, I think. Look forward to seeing more from you. (I know, you've posted another one - I haven't read that yet.....going to now.....)

Hey, you've got a bit of catching up to do though! Week 1 and week 2? Ah well, better late than never!

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285873 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285867 Sun, 23 Mar 2008 00:15:58 +0000
I like this and think the first chorus works just fine as is.

This song leaves me wanting more of the story though.

You could either add more verses with more characters (the football hero,
the smart girl,foreign exchange student,geek ,nerd, whoever)
or somehow bring these two together.

Looking Forward To More

John]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-285867 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-30931 Sat, 22 Mar 2008 09:50:58 +0000
Lonely and Afraid by Nico Filice

Miss popularity, A shining star.
Act like they tell you, but don't know who you are.
Put on your makeup, the clothes you hide behind
One day you'll realize you've lost what you can't find

A shell of your appearance,
swept up in the parade
Trying to escape this,
your just lonely and afraid

Lonely and afraid
Lonely and afraid
Lonely and afraid

Loner, outcast, reject of society.
Distance yourself to satisfy teenage anxiety.
Pretend nothings wrong but your hearts beating like a drum,
Not ready to grow up but what are you running from.

Building up inside you,
exploding like a grenade
can't hide it any longer,
we're all lonely and afraid

Lonely and afraid
Lonely and afriad
Lonely and afraid

instrumental

Lonely and afraid
Lonely and afriad
Lonely and afraid]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Iwillbefamouswatchme https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-2-lonely-and-afriad/#post-30931