https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-20/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 11:31:13 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-20/#post-57061 Mon, 22 Mar 2004 01:18:25 +0000
Glass shards through skin
remind me I'm mortal
I have to look within
there is no magic portal

Chorus

The light glares on
no matter the glass that surrounds it
The light glares on
blinding all my senses

Chorus

Dry parchment on hands
is fuel for my soul
Feet scratched by sand
searching for a goal

Chorus:
Sledgehammer the rock
destroy your grave
undo the lock
it's time to be brave

Chorus x 2
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-20/#post-57061 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-20/#post-57060 Sun, 21 Mar 2004 18:27:16 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-20/#post-57060 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-20/#post-57059 Sun, 21 Mar 2004 11:37:29 +0000
Well most of it rhymes, and I know you're not huge on rhyming, so I'd say that was a pretty big deal.

Otherwise, I have to confess, I'm not clear on the story. I'm not really quite sure what's going on here.  
Structurally, if you repeat the last verse X 2 following the chorus, doesn't that kind of give you 2 choruses?  You end up singing the chorus twice, and the last verse three times.  The chorus is where you want to encapsulate your main idea, which I think you've done in the last verse.  So make that your chorus, and make the current chorus another verse.  Maybe?

-- Scratch]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-20/#post-57059 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-20/#post-57058 Sun, 21 Mar 2004 06:57:11 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-20/#post-57058 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-20/#post-1812 Tue, 16 Mar 2004 07:38:08 +0000
Glass shards through skin
reminds me i'm mortal
i have to look within
there is no magic portal

Chorus
The light glares on
no matter the glass that surrounds it
The light glares on
blinding all my senses

Dry parchment on hands
fuels my soul
Feet scratched by sand
searching for a goal

Sledgehammer the rock
destroy your grave
undo the lock
it's time to be brave

Chorus

last verse x 2



I'm not sure if it fulfills the requirements, but i kinda like it :D
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-20/#post-1812