SSG Week 21 - Sunday Songwriters Group

Re: SSG Week 21

Tattooed — Tue, 23 Mar 2004 07:59:12 +0000

Yes I mean between typing. A blank line between each verse and chorus.

Re: SSG Week 21

blair — Tue, 23 Mar 2004 05:12:25 +0000

thanks for the reply :) by more space do you mean literally in the typing or do you mean in the ... i don't even know... lol what do you mean? :)
thanks
blair

Re: SSG Week 21

Tattooed — Tue, 23 Mar 2004 02:50:09 +0000

I like your work, it is really nice. I can't comment on the stucture since everyone tells me to get mine right.
However, the topic and the twist in love is good. Your words are good. very nice.
With some work it would be better, I like to rhyme on the most part but I am sure that isn't a rule.
It would help to put more space between verses and chorus so we don't have to try to figure that out while reading it.

SSG Week 21

blair — Tue, 23 Mar 2004 01:43:15 +0000

Hi. I am new to the group, and this is my first post. I wrote this song a few months ago... I would write another but this one just seems to fit the criteria :"love song with a twist".
Here it is: Miss You, Love

You know exactly how I feel
You know just how to break me
And as your hands move down
You know why I am shaking
No one told me
"forever" could be so lonely
No one ever told me
You were lying
When you said you would hold me
This is love
Forcing you on
Manipulating me
Silence my charity
If this is love
Please hate me
<>No one told me
"forever" could be so lonely
No one ever told me
You were lying
When you said you would just hold me<>
Tears running from the pain
Say your sorries
Promise to make your change
Say your sorries
As your hands move down

Probably not much for proper structure, but you know...
Anyway, I would love to know what you think.

thanks.