https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 11:10:48 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-61380 Sat, 29 May 2004 01:58:48 +0000
Musicians Repose

The lights flickered off
as the time slowly begins
let's see what you demand
with that pen in your hand

This world of melodic disconcert
a hole of pagan worship
the melodies are new to me
i don't understand how they can be

Chorus:
Pain fills my soul
i don't know what to do
will i show grace under pressure
or will i blow or will i blow

The rooms fills with notes
tunes and melodies fill my eyes
audiovisual madness
can i ever feel gladness?

Make the words matter
is all that is heard
abstract them so much
that no one can touch

CHORUS

Will i feel anything but pain
will i grow from this place
can You wash out this stain
can you make my heart plain?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group ruepickle https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-61380 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-61211 Wed, 26 May 2004 10:24:50 +0000
I like the theme you go after. It suits me. The first verse is fantastic in it's imagery in that it paints a picture I can see.

The first thing that bugs me about it is that the verse structure isn't constant. We have:

V1: ABCB
V2: ABCC
V3: ABCC
V4: ABCB
V5: ABAB

Verse 2 doesn't seem to fit with the rhythm you establish in the first verse.

Walk to it, sing it, see where you can simplify and work it. Yes, the lines we've been forced to use require us to make some concessions. But still, I think it could be improved with a little more imagery and work on the meter.

You've got something good here...make it spectacular.

Regards,

Doug]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DougJoy https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-61211 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-61206 Wed, 26 May 2004 06:54:18 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group ruepickle https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-61206 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-61187 Tue, 25 May 2004 23:13:24 +0000
Great stuff as I've come to expect from you. Difficult assignment I know but you did it so well.

Great stuff

Bob 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-61187 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-61180 Tue, 25 May 2004 21:28:45 +0000
you did a great job, on as you say an awful topic !!!!!! Rhyming or finding something to go with audiovisual madness was really painful.
That is the only place it seemed awkward to me, but hey, you did it. i take my hat of you , and yes it does make sense :lol:

Go well
Ja'mir]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-61180 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-2477 Mon, 24 May 2004 01:19:04 +0000
The lights flickered off
as the time slowly began
let's see what happens
with that pen in your hand

This world of melodic disconcert
a hole of pagan worship
the melodies are new to me
i don't understand how they can be

Chorus:
Pain fills my soul
i don't know what to do
will i show grace under pressure
or will i blow or will i blow

The rooms fills with notes
tunes and melodies fill my eyes
audiovisual madness
can i ever feel gladness?

Make the words matter
is all i ever hear
abstract them so far
no one will come near

CHORUS

Will i feel anything but pain
will i grow from this place
can You wash out this stain
with your great grace?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group ruepickle https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-30-musicians-repose/#post-2477