https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 22:25:19 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251500 Sun, 01 Jul 2007 15:43:05 +0000
Great song, it picks you up and carries you along it has that feel and pace to it. I hear it as a John Cougar Mellencamp number - the first line certainly shouted that at me.

There's a good logical progression in terms of the timeline and you develop it well.

Good stuff

Bob :wink:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251500 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251292 Sat, 30 Jun 2007 19:23:24 +0000
Since you are the only one who commented on my submission, I definitely owe you some feedback. Sorry I hadn't gotten to it sooner - Had to look real hard to find some room for improvement.

I think that the way in which you use the line is excellent, and I agree that the progression from youth to adult to fatherhood is a nice touch.

Normally I'd go after imagery, but being as this song is a conversation type, imagery isn't really called for. Instead it has to use honesty and truth in order to hold the listener. There is one image in your song, and that is the tear in the eye.

With verses 2 and 4 being the same, they seem to lend themselves to being kind of a pre-chorus or part of the chorus rather than a verse. Of course, verse 6 doesn't fit with dear dad having passed away. But I think it would be really cool to rework verse 5 so that the prechorus verse 6 could remain almost the same, like dad speaking in your memory or from beyond the grave (as the chorus does). Verse 5 is somewhat weak, and there isn't really a deep sense of loss for the singer's father conveyed, which is a missed opportunity to further involve the listener emotionally. After all, everyone has a father, and most people at some point have to deal with losing their father.

As I read it again, I think that the song is very nice as is. But if it could be a little less, I dunno, detached, it would exude a little more emotion, and that could be the difference between a song that really draws someone in or one that gets lost in the shuffle.

Andre]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DougJoy https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251292 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251274 Sat, 30 Jun 2007 17:52:12 +0000
Trev - Thanks mate! It's always nice to have a comment shouted at me in bold red! :D :lol: as for recording it.....hmm.....not sure about that one. I'll have a go at making some music for it in the week, we'll see what happens - I had no music in mind when I wrote it, so this could be interesting.

Ellen - I see what you mean about the "remember", but the way I hear it in my head it kinda works... I can't explain it more than that, sorry! Maybe I'll HAVE to record this one..hmmm.......

Pete]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Embrace_the_Darkness https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251274 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251255 Sat, 30 Jun 2007 16:41:21 +0000
I'm unsure about the double usage of 'remember' in the chorus...perhaps you could change, "remember what I say," to "here's what I've got to say"? There are also many replacements for the word 'remember' that you could dip into. Also not sure about the usage of the word, "motto" which seems a bit awkward to sing.

The rest of it would be a breeze, including the chorus, and I particularly liked how you wound it up at the end.

Elle]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Ellenback https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251255 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251235 Sat, 30 Jun 2007 12:12:28 +0000
3 letters is all I have for this song


WOW



Bloody good one Pete .....

Record it please !!!!!!

Trev]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251235 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251211 Sat, 30 Jun 2007 07:02:09 +0000 Blessings. Olav]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Olav https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251211 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251172 Sat, 30 Jun 2007 02:49:43 +0000 Chorus
You can do whatever you want, son
Nothing will stand in your way
Just remember what I tell you, son
Remember what I say;
"If you tell yourself it's easy
You may even find it is"
So I'll never forget this simlpe phrase
Which became a motto of his The first 3 lines are a good, but I think in order for this to work, you will have to take some artistic license with the line like Ellenback did.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DrunkRock https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-251172 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-26536 Fri, 29 Jun 2007 18:35:10 +0000
Motto

V1
When I was but a young boy
I often asked my Dad
"what will I be when I grow up?
What adventures will I have?"

V2
To answer all my questions,
A little phrase I won't forget
And if you listen closely,
I'll tell you exactly what he said;

Chorus
You can do whatever you want, son
Nothing will stand in your way
Just remember what I tell you, son
Remember what I say;
"If you tell yourself it's easy
You may even find it is"
So I'll never forget this simlpe phrase
Which became a motto of his

V3
When I was but a young man
I often asked my Dad
"What should I do now with my life?
What choices do I have?"

V4
To answer all my questions,
A little phrase I won't forget
And if you listen closely,
I'll tell you exactly what he said;

Chorus
You can do whatever you want, son
Nothing will stand in your way
Just remember what I tell you, son
Remember what I say;
"If you tell yourself it's easy
You may even find it is"
So I'll never forget this simlpe phrase
Which became a motto of his

V5
Now that I have grown up
I cannot ask my Dad
For his wisdom or his knowledge
On any questions that I have

V6
But I know he would have listened
And I know that his reply
Would have been his little motto
That now brings a tear to my eye

Chorus
You can do whatever you want, son
Nothing will stand in your way
Just remember what I tell you, son
Remember what I say;
"If you tell yourself it's easy
You may even find it is"

Outro verse
So I'll never forget his motto
And the reason for this is
That it's now become my motto
Which I tell to my own kids


Thoughts/comments/feedback in general etc. welcomed as allways :)

Pete]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Embrace_the_Darkness https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-34-motto/#post-26536