https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-35-a-new-day/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 07:05:30 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-35-a-new-day/#post-188207 Sun, 09 Jul 2006 15:41:53 +0000
Nice piece I see you've taken other people's advice and it works realy well. I like the second verse especially - very enjoyable read.

Good stuff

Bob :wink:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-35-a-new-day/#post-188207 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-35-a-new-day/#post-187445 Tue, 04 Jul 2006 11:07:41 +0000
OOOPs David don't like Mr Hodge
( you will make him look over his shoulder to see if his dad is standing there :lol: :lol: )

I agree with Bushpig ( Peters) suggestions

Nice imagery though

hilch :?:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-35-a-new-day/#post-187445 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-35-a-new-day/#post-187331 Mon, 03 Jul 2006 20:54:16 +0000
After some re-reading (and singing - badly!) I have to agree that it needs a slight change in terms of its narrative POV, so I made a few alterations to keep it all in the "everyman" voice.

Hopefully it'll flow a little better!

Pete]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-35-a-new-day/#post-187331 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-35-a-new-day/#post-187249 Mon, 03 Jul 2006 08:01:20 +0000
While this song definitely follows Bob's guidelines, it seems to have a distinct spilt personality. It kind of flits between the informal "everyman" voice (the lines of the verses for instance) and more of a general poetic tone, as in the bridge ("...at the despair that was brought upon this day...") and chorus ("...a new path lays for us to tread..."). This isn't always a worry, but here it seems to make things a little disjointed and awkward. At least on reading the lyric. When something is sung you can sometimes get around that, but I'm not sure how you're going to be able to pull it off.

It might be good to decide what voice your narrator is going to have and then try to write it out in one voice. And although it might be a bit of work, then try writing it from another voice (or even a third if you're game) and see which one you like best. Once you've got the thing down in totally separate voices, you might be able to patch together a multi-voiced narrative that flows a little better.

I really like the balance here. You're primarily focusing on the bleak in the verses and bridge and the little bit of sunshine that's evoked in the chorus banishes it all away and I think that's the heart of what Bob wanted.

Looking forward to reading more.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-35-a-new-day/#post-187249 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-35-a-new-day/#post-18892 Sun, 02 Jul 2006 21:05:09 +0000
Another day, another dollar
Another want to scream and holler
Another emptiness, that feeling
Deep inside

Another night, another dream
Another fight behind the scenes
Another loneliness, that pressure
Behind the eyes

Bridge

Sliding down into an almost empty sleep
Where very thoughts, they seem to weep
At the despair that was brought upon this day

Sliding down
Into a night's dark grasp
Where a mind and thought can rest at last
And hope to wake up to a better day

Chorus

A new dawn brings a new beginning
A new song we've started singing
A new day for us to heal
A little inside

A new path lays for us to tread
A new road that's opened up ahead
A new day can be the best yet
If you try

Verse 2

Another day, another dollar
Another 9 to 5 blue-collar
Another effort to be noticed
Wasted time

Another night, another dream
Another sanity's requiem
Another promise that was made
Now is blind

Repeat Bridge x 1
Repeat Chorus x 2

Thoughts, comments, questions and criticisms welcomed as always.

Pete]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-35-a-new-day/#post-18892