https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-43-misunderstood/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 11:53:01 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-43-misunderstood/#post-122509 Sun, 04 Sep 2005 04:09:36 +0000
Suitcase by the front door

Cabbie's waiting outside.

Now all is see is taillights through these tears.
A box of pictures, a bunch of years

These lines are so simple, but so effective. they use imagery that we associate with the idea of leaving, departing forever; and they are melded in nicely with your spoken lyrics. A nice touch. Great work.

some suggestions;
I stood in shock with disbelief. and may work better here. I stood in shock and disbelief I felt with stole the impact of the line; just a thought.
Don't know if I'll ever love again.
Your deceitful eyes, your sleight of hand;
It was all a pack of lies.
It was all a pack of lies. this is a great verse! I love the line your deceitful eyes, your slight of hand I was thinking with the last two repeated lines, maybe drop the 'it was' on the second repeat:

It was all a pack of lies
all a pack of lies

It places a bit more emphasis on your angered emotion conveyed here. I think it could work either way; but just a little thing maybe to increase the impact. :)

Well done Daved! This is very promising work. And welcome to the forums!

Jacqui :)

]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Jacqui1627 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-43-misunderstood/#post-122509 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-43-misunderstood/#post-122432 Sat, 03 Sep 2005 19:18:21 +0000
Nice work here. It's sort of like a depressing version of John Denver's airplane song.

My only concern is with a few lines in particular:

The first, I stood in shock with disbelief. Some of the best advice I've received here is show, don't tell. You start the song with the line about the bags packed by the door which shows a whole lot of info, and that's great. Then we get to this line, where you just state matter -of-factly what you were feeling. Maybe something like:

Current kept me rooted in place (passive water imagery)
Hit me like an old freight train (active, but over-used, railway imagery)
Hit like a salmon in the face ( :) )

See what I'm saying?

The second is, It's obvious I had no clue
That your heart wasn't true. The part about the heart not being true. Firstly, that line has been used a lot already. Secondly, you could probably find a better line to capture what you're trying to say. It'll be tough, because it took you a paragraph to explain your meaning in your follow-up post.

Maybe:
That your love us more than you loved me

There a few other places like these where you could probably tighten up your song a bit to really capture your meaning, but since it is your meaning, its up to you to find them. I know this, because I do the same thing.

All the best.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group SlowPlay https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-43-misunderstood/#post-122432 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-43-misunderstood/#post-122106 Fri, 02 Sep 2005 11:59:13 +0000 D. Klute - 2005

(bridge)
Now all is see is taillights through these tears.
A box of pictures, a bunch of years
Is all you left behind.

Don't know if I'll ever love again.
Your deceitful eyes, your sleight of hand;
It was all a pack of lies.
It was all a pack of lies. Hey daved this is only a sugestion because i am new here to, when i first read the song, i dont know if i will ever love you again to it was all a pack of lies verse confused me because, one minute she is having to have some time away from you to figure out where the realationship you have stands, and in that verse it sounds like you hate her, then i stopped and thought and it sounded exatcly what happened to me a few months ago, you said those hurtfull things about her becuase you still liked her and she hurt you by leaving so you wanted her to feel how much you were hurt, really you still love her but at that point in time you were so upset and angry that you said those things

Example of what you could say after beeing nasty about her

I've cooled down,times past
But i havent smiled and i havent laughed
Oh please come home
Coz im in love with you
and you know i say stupid things that is true]]> Sunday Songwriters Group edd https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-43-misunderstood/#post-122106 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-43-misunderstood/#post-122069 Fri, 02 Sep 2005 06:14:46 +0000
I'm not sure if you're sad, mad, happy or just confused because the other is leaving. I guess I need to feel it a bit more. There is lot's of good stuff here though.

Like the beginning Suitcase by the front door,
In the bedroom packin' one more, In the chorus
I musta not been payin' attention Lots to work with here. Could be expanded more on how you didn't pay attention and why. Happy writing. G. :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group rocketgirl https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-43-misunderstood/#post-122069 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-43-misunderstood/#post-11385 Fri, 02 Sep 2005 02:02:14 +0000
This is a song I've been working on for a while now, and it fits nicely with the 'broken promises' theme. Any feedback anyone has to offer would be great.


Misunderstood
D. Klute - 2005

(verse)
Suitcase by the front door,
In the bedroom packin' one more,
I can't believe you're gonna go away

I find it confusing
That you seem to be choosing
To just give up and throw this all away.

(pre-chorus)
When you said you're leavin' me
I stood in shock with disbelief.
I guess you really took me for the fool.

(chorus)
I musta misunderstood when you said you'd never go away.
Guess I was mistaken; Thought you promised to stay.
Maybe I dreamin'.
I musta not been payin' attention.
I musta misunderstood.

(verse)
Cabbie's waiting outside.
You said you needed more time
To figure out if this is right or wrong.

I thought we had decided
That we would make a go of it;
Weather any storms that came along.

(pre-chorus)
It's obvious I had no clue
That your heart wasn't true.
Was this your intention all along?

(chorus)
I musta misunderstood when you said you'd never go away.
Guess I was mistaken; Thought you promised to stay.
Maybe I dreamin'.
I musta not been payin' attention.
I musta misunderstood.

(bridge)
Now all is see is taillights through these tears.
A box of pictures, a bunch of years
Is all you left behind.

Don't know if I'll ever love again.
Your deceitful eyes, your sleight of hand;
It was all a pack of lies.
It was all a pack of lies.

(chorus)
I musta misunderstood when you said you'd never go away.
Guess I was mistaken; Thought you promised to stay.
Maybe I dreamin'.
I musta not been payin' attention.
I musta misunderstood.
I musta misunderstood.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group daved https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-43-misunderstood/#post-11385