https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 08:39:58 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127746 Sun, 25 Sep 2005 00:23:51 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127746 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127669 Sat, 24 Sep 2005 17:07:32 +0000 Keep Jammin :-D And I believe I can make this all work.... but only time will tell.

Thx all & keep jammin,
Dave]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Dduckett https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127669 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127665 Sat, 24 Sep 2005 16:03:26 +0000
I think Jason Mraz would be a nice stop if you want to have that gargantuan amount of syllables that still flows neatly. Usually takes some rewriting though, if you want it to match perfectly.

But on the other side, I don't know what you have planned for this yet, IMO this doesn't look like the typical song for that kind of singing (but you're welcome to prove me wrong :))

Go buy a mic, I'm excited about this and want to hear! :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group manontheside https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127665 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127647 Sat, 24 Sep 2005 11:42:08 +0000 very interesting you absolutely right. Im not sure it needs fixing either, I would really be interested to see what you can do with it. People like Jack Johnson manage to to get lots of words into small musical spaces, so it can certainly be done. I look foward to hearing what ever you come up with if you decide to record a demo.
cheers
pb]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127647 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127645 Sat, 24 Sep 2005 11:02:05 +0000
OK. I thought the theme was great. Definitely different from usual first songs here, which tend to be very focused on internal issues and various self struggles. You took a strong and original feeling and weren't afraid to run with it. :)

I also though it started well. If I were to suggest an improvement it would be to tidy up verses 2 and 3 as they seemed to get a bit out of shape and also a wee bit top heavy with imagery. The last line was also a bit on the clunky side. Just tidying really. 8)

Because we have to crank out a new song every week we don't alway get to complete the editing and re-writing. But it's interesting to keep the songs and revisit them a few weeks down the track when they've "gone cold" in your mind. Sometimes you see them in a different light. Something you thought came through seems a lot less obvious, or some new angle hits you.

I'm sure you'll soon have a box full. 8) Good start. Hope to see more from you. Good luck finding a way to record.

Cheers, Chris.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Chris C https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127645 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127631 Sat, 24 Sep 2005 07:46:17 +0000
Geoo]]> Sunday Songwriters Group geoo https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127631 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127630 Sat, 24 Sep 2005 07:35:51 +0000
Welcome to the forum! I really want to see you posting more here. I'm suprised to see that your first song was for the assingment! I don't see much here. Anyway, for your first song, it was awesome. Keep it up.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pierson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127630 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127618 Sat, 24 Sep 2005 06:23:27 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Dduckett https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127618 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127359 Fri, 23 Sep 2005 15:57:20 +0000
A couple of questions:

1. Any chance that you can record an mp3 to show us how you intend this to work musically? Or maybe give us some other clues about how you intend singing that "triangle" and what chords, tempo, or whatever? You don't need fancy recording gear, a quick and dirty job through a basic computer sound card can be good enough to get the ideas across.

2. How robust are you? Serious question. Many beginners arrive here with a first songs and say "what do you think?" or "all constructive criticism welcome", but when it comes it's obvious that what they really meant was "praise only please". :D

So what praise/criticism are you looking for? 50/50 90/10, anything goes, or...??

I can see some good things in your song, and some stuff that I think could be improved on, but I don't want to be too heavy or too light.

We're all walking the same road here, but the regulars all want (and expect) to have flaws or weaknesses pointed out. We all want honest reactions, even if they don't line up with what we thought about our songs. Where are you at in that respect?

Cheers, Chris.

EDIT: You also might like to check out the many articles here on songwriting Songwriting articles on Guitarnoise

This one, by our esteemed moderator Nick Torres, is a good start:
Songwriting for Beginners by Nick]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Chris C https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127359 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127333 Fri, 23 Sep 2005 13:27:45 +0000
To me, what is important in song writing is the ability to take a concept and weave it into words that first make people perk up, take notice a little, and maybe get that "Hummm" kind of feeling like if they had never really thought of it that way. They also need to walk away with it thinking, "Ya know I feel that way"

Your song does both for me. Never really thought of the world as a big musical score, but now that you mention it... It sure does.

The words we use to mesh that together can be worked out. As Pbee pointed out with the lengthening of syllables. But on that note, your really going to be the only person that can say if the lyrics fit. There are some musicians that can just ramble on and on in a sentence and you would look at the line thinking "AHH that will never work" but somehow they squeeze it all in there and it just seems to fit somehow. John Mayer and D Matthews comes to mind. But ya, usually it should be pretty close to the same amount of syllables.

Keep up the great work. Its good to see yet another fresh, humm, face?

By the way.. I am a feely kind of guy (not visual). In fact, my ex wife used to say that because I am a sensitive feely emotional kind of guy, that I was more woman that she was. Her words.. not mine.

Geoo]]> Sunday Songwriters Group geoo https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-46/#post-127333