https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 18:42:21 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56074 Thu, 11 Dec 2003 03:28:21 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Gina https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56074 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56073 Wed, 10 Dec 2003 10:30:04 +0000 to me it reads more like a story/poem rather then a song, but if you put music with it i rekon it could work....keep up the good work

cheers]]> Sunday Songwriters Group diggaz https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56073 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56072 Wed, 10 Dec 2003 02:46:18 +0000 ]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Gina https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56072 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56071 Tue, 09 Dec 2003 04:13:15 +0000 My loneliness is something I can't hide I think "something" is excess wording, and seems to me to add an extra syllable to the line.  Maybe drop the "is something" and make it "I just can't hide".

Though your song is great as is, I'll offer a couple things to think about while writing other great future songs:

"I put the TV on to make some noise" This is a statement of fact. By rewording it slightly to "I put the TV on just to hear the noise" it goes from being only a statement of fact, to emphasizing the loneliness within the character.

"Four blank walls stared back at me
While I thought about our love" again, is a statement of fact.  Some life could be added by saying "Four blank walls stared back at me when I thought about your eyes".  This would throw your rhyming pattern out of kilter, but that could be fixed.

And finally:
"I sat down in the kitchen  
All alone at our table for two" You could emphasize the character's loneliness by changing it to "I sat down with my memories, All alone at our table for two".  

The above suggestions would just add some more connections to the listeners' emotions, which are necessary to turn a very good song into an excellent song, IMHO.

Keep up the great writing.



]]> Sunday Songwriters Group maxwell https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56071 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56070 Sat, 06 Dec 2003 22:47:03 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Gina https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56070 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56069 Sat, 06 Dec 2003 07:02:55 +0000 ]]> Sunday Songwriters Group MJBird https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-56069 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-1554 Sat, 06 Dec 2003 04:32:19 +0000
Instead of "Home is where the heart is" I've used "Home is where the hurt is."

Home Is Where the Hurt is

Verse 1

The house was empty when I got home
And silence filled the rooms
I sat down in the kitchen
All alone at our table for two

Verse 2

Four blank walls stared back at me
While I thought about our love
I thought I'd given you all I had
But I guess that wasn't enough

(chorus)

Home is Where the Hurt Is
‘Cause I'm alone without you by my side
Home is Where the Hurt Is
My loneliness is something I can't hide

Verse 3

I put the TV on to make some noise
Cooked a frozen meal for one
I tried to occupy my mind
But it just couldn't be done

Verse 4

I hear every creak and moan
In the floorboards of this place
When I close my eyes to forget you
I can only see your face.
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Gina https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-5-gina/#post-1554