https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-8/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 07:25:22 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-8/#post-56100 Sun, 28 Dec 2003 03:20:10 +0000 The "Mom" surprised me; it's interesting and adds voice.

I was a little puzzled over the lines: Though fire does burn
And fire does kill
Fire is then born and will live as it will The "then" in the last line doesn't seem quite appropriate. Perhaps something about "give fire life to live as it will"?

Also, if you so desired, I potentially see an extra triplet in the beginning about water rushing and drowning in it, or something of the sort.

Nice piece,

silly putty]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-8/#post-56100 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-8/#post-56099 Sat, 27 Dec 2003 23:05:24 +0000
I think it's a very poetic song. Also very unusual structure, which I always like to see.

But I don't follow "Keep my flame alive" to "watch me pass through", the step may be too big here. I don't understand this as it is.
There's a thin line between vague and poetic, a wise man once said.

I love the last line though.

Just an idea: you might add some line about the flame getting "extinguished in the sea of time".
You wouldn't be a rebel anymore though because there is water mentioned ;-)

Love,
Chris.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Christiaan https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-8/#post-56099 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-8/#post-1564 Fri, 26 Dec 2003 12:33:50 +0000
Look at the sky
Can you see the air?
You can feel it, so you know it's there

Look down at Mom
Earth has swallowed me whole
Though you may not see me, I'm still here

The wind may pass through
But never does it change
Whether strong or cold
It blows in the same way
And for me and you, life is the same
Memories still pass through every day
Though fire does burn
And fire does kill
Fire is then born and will live as it will
Keep my flame alive, and watch me pass through
Breathe me in through the smoke and i will exhale throughout you
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week-8/#post-1564