https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 03:10:59 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61732 Fri, 04 Jun 2004 19:53:51 +0000 Doug said
One thing bugged me reading it. First off, for some reason I don't like the lyric "our faith, it has gone slack." to tell you the truth I didn't care to much for it either but it suited my purpose and that the only reason I went with it.

How do you feel about this line as a replacement?

Our faith has gone off track

Doug,Thanks for making me re-think this line]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Tokai 12 String https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61732 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61722 Fri, 04 Jun 2004 18:28:28 +0000
I think I like the first verse the most. The pendulum is a great metaphor for life.

One thing bugged me reading it. First off, for some reason I don't like the lyric "our faith, it has gone slack." I'm trying to put my finger on why I don't like this lyric...I know what you are trying to say here, and I can't think of a better way to say it, but for some reason everytime I read the lyric I stumble over this line. Maybe it is because I would never say to a friend "You know what the problem is? Our faith...it has gone slack". I'd probably say "Our faith has gone slack" Maybe something could be added like "Our faith - failing, going slack" I dunno...maybe bring the pendulum back into it somehow - swinging slack or some such. Hmm...If anything strikes me I'll let you know.

Great effort overall. Salamander in a song is just wrong. :)

Doug]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DougJoy https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61722 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61606 Thu, 03 Jun 2004 02:30:27 +0000
This is quite good. Sometimes all the angst and depression that gets posted gets a bit tiresome, but this song has a great uplifting component to it. The structure / meter / rhyming all work very well, and I like the way the song flows from despair to hope. Well done.

-- Scratch]]> Sunday Songwriters Group scratchmonkey https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61606 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61573 Wed, 02 Jun 2004 13:33:50 +0000
This is excellent stuff like MJ I wouldn't change a thing.

Salamander who lost his tail - that was going to be my take on this assignment but I'll have to change mine now. I knew I should've finished (or at least started) mine before reading everyone elses. 8)

Great stuff

Bob :wink:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61573 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61532 Tue, 01 Jun 2004 03:50:18 +0000 I wouldn't change a thing.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group MJBird https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61532 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61480 Mon, 31 May 2004 09:02:02 +0000 like the salamander who lost his tail
We're so sure we'll get it back
Keep writing!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group bstguitarist https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-61480 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-2529 Mon, 31 May 2004 01:50:35 +0000 momentum
it slowly starts to wane
Deaths hand on our shoulders
will our prayers all be in vain?

We know not why but are attuned
to the fateful road ahead
Our faithless souls begin their march
to the township of the dead

(chorus)
Pray to God for one more chance
Our faith has gone off track
like the salamander who lost his tail
We're so sure we'll get it back

A promise made and now to keep
We must learn how and why
Eternity is within our reach
We've been given one more try

(chorus)
Pray to God for one more chance
Our faith has gone off track
like the salamander who lost his tail
We're so sure we'll get it back]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Tokai 12 String https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-week31-tokai-12-string-slight-edit/#post-2529