https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 15:05:04 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56937 Sat, 06 Mar 2004 09:13:22 +0000
i've never written a screaming metal song in my life, but i was really pissed off when i wrote the lyrics, so it became that lol!!

(i've also noticed trends in my writing, depressed teen angst, oh wait, that fits perfectly!)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56937 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56936 Sat, 06 Mar 2004 01:20:12 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56936 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56935 Sat, 06 Mar 2004 01:18:15 +0000
"Your not the queen of all"
I dont like that line. I don't know what it is but it doesnt seem to fit in with the rest of your chorus. The rest of the chorus is good though. I like what your trying to say with that line but I think it could be done better. Well, thats just my opinion.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56935 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56934 Fri, 05 Mar 2004 23:48:39 +0000 i'm a free form poet starting writing songs!
Arrrggghhhh!  I hated free form poetry in school.  Give me Tennyson, Frost, or Robert Service over Rod McKuen any day!   :D  ( I do LOVE poetry though )

Weird, I don't like screaming / metal stuff either.  But I sure like most of what you write.  Go figure.

Anyway, a good rhyming dictionary can be helpful, or you can check http://www.rhymezone.com, quite often they won't have a word that fits what you want, but something you'll see in the list will remind you of just the word you're looking for.  And sometimes not.  But it's a handy resource when the words aren't flowing.

-- Scratch]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56934 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56933 Fri, 05 Mar 2004 22:59:20 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56933 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56932 Fri, 05 Mar 2004 10:35:55 +0000  i'm gonna think on that line some. . .  (rhyming, bah!)
No, no, rue...  rhyming is good.  rhymes are your friends.

;)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56932 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56931 Fri, 05 Mar 2004 10:21:12 +0000 Greetings ruepickle,

I don't know who Lady Englebret is, so some of these comments might not be pertinent.

 There are two lines that I didn't understand.

"Your exterior followed by so many flies"
and
"Stop trying to get this boat to sink"

And a couple of lines I think could be tightened up to fit the meter better (at least the way I'm reading it, it may work just fine as is with the music  you've got)

"You're not the queen of all" to "You're not queen of all"
and
"And then, oh then you get to your knees to pray"
to
"And then, oh then on your knees you'll pray"

-- Scratch

awesome, thanks scratch!! actually, i made Lady Englebret up completly.  yeah, the flies line is basically to show her outside is as rotten as the inside. . .  i'm gonna think on that line some. . .  (rhyming, bah!)  and the stop trying to get this boat to sink is supposed to be how she is trying to bring the character down and kill him

i like your suggestions though!!!  

(this song is a TOTAL heavy metal/ screaming song.  
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56931 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56930 Fri, 05 Mar 2004 09:57:43 +0000
I don't know who Lady Englebret is, so some of these comments might not be pertinent.

First of all, I like this song.  I like the AAAA rhyming scheme in the verses.  There are two lines that I didn't understand.

"Your exterior followed by so many flies"
and
"Stop trying to get this boat to sink"

But like I said, if I was familiar with the character you've chosen, perhaps they would make perfect sense.

And a couple of lines I think could be tightened up to fit the meter better (at least the way I'm reading it, it may work just fine as is with the music  you've got)

"You're not the queen of all" to "You're not queen of all"
and
"And then, oh then you get to your knees to pray"
to
"And then, oh then on your knees you'll pray"

So overall I think it's good, it sounds like a good story, and take the suggestions for what they're worth.  It's just my $0.02.

-- Scratch]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-56930 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-1772 Fri, 05 Mar 2004 08:32:25 +0000
Cross the street to avoid your eyes
Look back and forth to escape your lies
Do anything to avoid comprimise
Your speech littered with all of your sighs

Chorus:
Stop pushing me down you know i'm weak
Stop letting me fall
Stop making my world look bleak
You're not the queen of all

You act only in love or so you say
Someday you know you'll have to pay
And then, oh then on knee's you'll pray
You'll mourn each passing day

Chorus

You will not keep me down
No no, i will not drown
You will not keep me down
No no, i will not drown]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-wk-18/#post-1772