https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 23:56:29 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375998 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 20:56:55 +0000
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=11699094]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375998 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375921 Tue, 12 Jun 2012 02:07:33 +0000
I like the rewrite a lot. And consider yourself given a pass for this week if you'd like to take one. Of course, that doesn't mean you can't come up with music for a later assignment!

Thank you for the listen. Looking forward to more.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375921 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375905 Mon, 11 Jun 2012 17:10:07 +0000
Looks better. :D Sound volume is way down again, but I think you do have enough non-standard chord progressions to count for week 32 as well :wink: I like that it is left unknown regarding the future.

I like this:
Wondering if I could have done more.
Wondering what for.

The last section seems like it might need some rearranging to add more of an impact...or maybe a bridge

Here are some thoughts to play around with:

I've spent so many weekends there.
but there's no reason to stay
All I've got is my box
And too many days.

or

maybe a nice twist on the idea of "thinking outside the box"
Now I've got to think outside the box
that life's packed away

Thanks for sharing :D

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375905 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375897 Mon, 11 Jun 2012 02:26:36 +0000
I used James' idea of a nameplate (but no headstone) and David's idea of being in the sunshine. Going from never seeing outside in the first verse to finally being out there and not knowing how to react.

Looks like I already did next week's assignment. This song has some different chord progressions. :wink:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=11699094

verse:

I spend my days in a cubicle
Where I never see outside.
I spend so much time being dutiful
That I forget to have a life.
I give a hundred and ten percent each day
And each week I get my pay.

verse:

Today there's an empty box on my chair.
The boss tells me to fill it.
I look around and there's not much there.
Some awards and certificates,
A photo, a nameplate, a sweater in a drawer
And not much more.

chorus 1:

I've spent too many weekends here.
And too many long days.
Now I'm supposed to take this box
And just walk away.

verse:

They look inside as they walk me out.
There's nothing of value. I can go.
I stash the box in my car and walk around.
Feeling angry, then hollow.
Wondering if I could have done more.
Wondering what for.

chorus 1

verse:

I spent all that time building my career
And forgot to build a life.
After waiting all those years.
I find myself outside.
Here in the sunshine, feeling the shock
Of being outside the box.

chorus 2:

I've spent too many weekends there.
And too many long days.
Now I've got to take my box
And find another way.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375897 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375896 Sun, 10 Jun 2012 21:32:41 +0000
I went back and forth several times about how optimistic to be. I was thinking about the lack of prospects in today's job market and how once a person is a certain age, chances aren't good for finding a similar job.

Before retiring, I was an accountant/auditor and my husband was an engineer. We were both at a fairly high level and worked in cubicles up to the end. I really disliked that aspect of the job.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375896 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375894 Sun, 10 Jun 2012 20:19:12 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group andygetch https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375894 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375892 Sun, 10 Jun 2012 17:01:35 +0000
I'm also agreeing that the last line is maybe way too depressing, but then I think you can also make it more depressing by being positive (at least about the prospect of work):

I spent years building my career
And forgot to build a life.
Now I've wasted all those years.
And find myself outside.
And out here in the sunshine I find there's nothing else to do
But to find another building and to fill another cube.

Looking forward to reading and hearing how this develops.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375892 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375889 Sun, 10 Jun 2012 07:17:26 +0000
Good start :D The descriptions help explain the situation well.

Suggestions:
#1 Consider revising this metaphor to fit the scene better....That I forget to enjoy the ride.

#2 Career doesn't seem to fit the description of a cubical office worker......job seems more suitable, because there is nothing to indicate "building" has been taking place......
I spent years building my career
......but "building" could be helpful to support the idea of starting over if you leave the idea at the end a bit more optimistic.....someone wanting to better their lives who just went about it the wrong way compared to someone that was "just alive" but never "lived"


#3
Maybe it's not too late to try.
Or maybe it's too late for life.

The last line is quite depressing. Consider a more positive outlook like
Maybe it's not too late to try.
It's not too late for life.

or

a little more creative presentation like
a name on an office cubical or on a head stone what's the difference?

or

Maybe read though Elenore Rigby and see what devices they use to express the lonely or unenthusiastic to live character(s) to express the gloomy outlook.

Thanks for sharing :D

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-375889 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-42906 Sat, 09 Jun 2012 20:13:17 +0000
verse:

I spend my days in a cubicle
Where I never see outside.
I spend so much time being dutiful
That I forget to enjoy the ride.
I give a hundred and ten percent each day
And each week I get my pay.

verse:

Today there's an empty box on my chair.
The boss tells me to fill it.
I look around and there's not much there.
Some awards and certificates,
A family photo on my desk, sweater in a drawer
And not much more.

chorus:

I've spent too many weekends here.
And too many long days.
Now I'm suppposed to take this box
And just walk away.

verse:

Somebody looks inside before they walk me out.
There's nothing of value, so they let me go.
I stash the box in my car and wander around downtown.
Seeing things that I never had time for.
Wondering if I could have done more.
Wondering if I should call home.

verse:

I spent years building my career
And forgot to build a life.
Now I've wasted all those years.
And find myself outside.
Maybe it's not too late to try.
Or maybe it's too late for life.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-y10-w31-the-box/#post-42906