https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-year-3-week-11/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 02:46:53 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-year-3-week-11/#post-87163 Fri, 28 Jan 2005 15:44:04 +0000
I agree that it is difficult to critique someone's lyrics with no music to go on, but you are right about the metre not being just so. I also agree about the rhyming. Back to the drawing-board!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Val https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-year-3-week-11/#post-87163 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-year-3-week-11/#post-86357 Sun, 23 Jan 2005 19:33:09 +0000
I agree with scratch, I really like your story and the lyrics as a whole are pretty impressive in their beauty:)
kinda reminds me of Leonard Cohen("Suzanne" or another one.. not sure..)- which is a compliment :wink:

bluenightangel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-year-3-week-11/#post-86357 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-year-3-week-11/#post-86322 Sun, 23 Jan 2005 11:27:29 +0000
I really like your story here. At first, I thought it was odd to switch from first person, to third, and then back to first, but after reading it a couple times, it works quite well. And interesting way to tell it, I think. Plus it makes it quite personal, kinda like the narrator detaches herself from the story, then winds up back in it. Don't know if I'm making sense or not, but it's quite well done. I like it. Reminds me of a song by the Cowboy Junkies, the title of which escapes me just now.

There are a couple of places where I tripped up over the meter. That's pretty common in this medium, where we're reading the lyrics sans music. I wonder if you could tighten up the rhyming a bit? In some places, it just rolls along, and in others, I have trouble finding the rhyme.

Anyways, overall, I liked it quite a lot. Well done.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group scratchmonkey https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-year-3-week-11/#post-86322 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-year-3-week-11/#post-6548 Sat, 22 Jan 2005 19:07:17 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Val https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg-year-3-week-11/#post-6548