SSG10-Week40 Angelina

James, I like the music. The lyrics are very sparse. I'm left wanting to know more about these people.

I'm also confused about what you're saying in the last verse. Are you telling Angelina not to say "to be honest it's better this way?" If so, this could be clearer. Something like: "Angelina, don't tell me that it's better this way."

Great job. Loved the melody and the recording. Angelina is a fictional character? I like the fact that it doesn't have a greatly detailed story.
It's emotional.

A good start. Is this aiming for a point in time feeling? If so great job. Seems like a I'm not getting much from the lyric otherwise. So that means it could be a hit :lol:

Thanks, Renee for the suggestion. I'll try the new lines on the next recording :D

Hi MrEWorm,
Angelina is a fictional character?
Yes, totally fictional and no reference to any book or movie.

Hi Andy,
Is this aiming for a point in time feeling?
Yes, I was shooting for the KISS principle.
So that means it could be a hit :lol:
Exactly! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thanks for the listens and posts. I plan to do another recording in the next few days as time allows, or at least another voice and guitar recording with the line changes.

James

POOF*changes rerecorded :mrgreen:

Truly enjoyable, James - great melody and a lot of musical and lyrical hooks. Very cool.

Wondering if the protagonist is pleading enough? The "I'll try" of the second stanza of the first verse seems to not be that big of an effort on the narrator's part. Perhaps giving him something stronger to vow (which in turn also significantly increases the chances he's going to fail) might work:
Don't start, Angelina
I still need ya
Don't walk away

I promise, Angelina
To be honest
In everything I do and I say

He could then use that "promise" idea in the second verse to get a bit of reassurance himself:
Don't go, Angelina
I still need ya
Why don't you stay?

Angel Angelina
Promise me
You won't turn and walk away

As always, just a thought.

Regardless, this is already terrific as it stands. Looking forward to more.

Peace

Thanks, David. I tried some more tweaking via your suggestions :D

This keeps getting better. I hope you post it other places as well.

Thank, MrEWorm for checking out the revised version :D

I listened to it one more time and think that I preferred the sound that you had originally. If I remember correctly, it was a lot simpler musically but had a "cleaner" sound.
Do you still have the first sound file? If you do, could you have both posted?

Do you still have the first sound file? If you do, could you have both posted?

Band Version
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11816199

Acoustic Version* redone with version 3 lyrics
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11824025

I am open to here what is not working on the "band version" for you....I have some hunches, but I'll let you confirm them :wink:

James, interesting to follow your rewriting process. I like the sentiment in the latest version of verse 2.

I also liked the original recording better. I think the new band version is too upbeat for what's going in in the story.

Renee,

Thanks for the continued feedback. :D For me, it's easy to lose perspective on a song when you keep going over it. :?

James

The original sounded more genuine. The band version was a bit busy for my taste. My preference is to hear music live so anytime a recording sounds like a live performance I like it.