https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 15:31:53 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56276 Sat, 10 Jan 2004 03:40:00 +0000
If I write music to the text, I'll test your suggestion with the 'the's.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Jonsi https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56276 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56275 Sat, 10 Jan 2004 00:20:28 +0000
"Touch of her hand, blush of my cheek"
This might have a better rhythm if you'd write:
"The touch of her hand, the blush of my cheek"

That 's all the critic I can come up with. Like what you've done with my line!

- Chris.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Christiaan https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56275 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56274 Fri, 09 Jan 2004 14:25:07 +0000
Learning the Language of Love

Chorus:
I'm learning the language of love
I understand more than I speak
Subtle signs in an alien tongue
Touch of her hand, blush of my cheek
I've wanted to tell her so long
I love her - but it comes out wrong.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Jonsi https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56274 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56273 Fri, 09 Jan 2004 03:47:25 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Jonsi https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56273 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56272 Fri, 09 Jan 2004 03:28:43 +0000
I'm learning the language of love
that I (do) understand - but can't speak
The touch on my blushing (hot) cheak
invites me to something (that's) new:
a life with you. oh oh oh
But though I try - I can't reply

(The words in brackets are there because I was trying to enhance the rythm, but they didn't feel good ... not good at all.)

I think I'll try to blend together the best of your suggestion with the least bad of mine. It will be a challenge to make it better than yours.

When it comes to your version of The Last Thing I Was Looking For - what can I say? You turned my rough and clumsy rhyme play into poetry!
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Jonsi https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56272 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56271 Fri, 09 Jan 2004 02:47:01 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group TwistedFingers https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56271 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56270 Fri, 09 Jan 2004 02:18:51 +0000
Welcome to Guitarnoise and The SSG glad to have you here  ;)

These are pretty good submissions.  I thought the problem with the first one was that it was a bit unstructured and if you're open to rewrites I thought maybe the following would help.  I've tried to keep the meaning

I'm learning the language of love
I understand more than I speak
Subtle signs in an alien tongue
Touch of a hand, blush of a cheek
I've wanted to speak it so long
So you'd know it's your heart I seek

Last line may be a bit cheesy I know - but it's just a suggestion.

Second chorus does seem a bit cut off rather than add a line I thought try and make them more even such as:

The last thing I was looking for
Was to meet her once again
And find out I still need her
and revisit heartache and pain

Hope this helps

Bob  :)
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56270 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56269 Thu, 08 Jan 2004 23:06:24 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group TwistedFingers https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56269 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56268 Thu, 08 Jan 2004 22:46:37 +0000
I'm going to try to add an extra line!

And thank you!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Jonsi https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56268 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56267 Thu, 08 Jan 2004 22:36:03 +0000
The second chorus seems a bit cut off,  like it needs an extra line.

Overall, good job though.

And if nobody has done it yet... Welcome to Guitar Noise.  ;D]]> Sunday Songwriters Group TwistedFingers https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-10-jonsi/#post-56267