https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-13-rustnvrsleeps-twenty-past-four/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 15:32:46 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-13-rustnvrsleeps-twenty-past-four/#post-56529 Mon, 02 Feb 2004 19:31:17 +0000 i added the bridge and also changed the format of how i typed the verses now so its easier to see where im splitting up the bars

]]> Sunday Songwriters Group rustnvrsleeps https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-13-rustnvrsleeps-twenty-past-four/#post-56529 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-13-rustnvrsleeps-twenty-past-four/#post-56528 Sat, 31 Jan 2004 02:54:31 +0000
I didn't have any trouble with verse two (I just thought you condensed two lines into one), but I was wondering why there wasn't a bridge for that verse as well. Maybe something like:

Does anyone deserve this
Hey you give them half your life
And  then they toss you to the street
And then lock the door up tight

That's really bad, I know! But I hope you get what I mean.

Can't wait to read more!

Peace


]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-13-rustnvrsleeps-twenty-past-four/#post-56528 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-13-rustnvrsleeps-twenty-past-four/#post-56527 Sat, 31 Jan 2004 01:15:05 +0000
thanks for your comments and advice
yeah i hadnt meant for a chorus between those 2 but definitely fits better with one in there.  i messed with the chorus a little bit to better fit the meter...i usually struggle to fill meter equally because i tend to sing with varying tempo.

as usual, good comments
keep on rockin'
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group rustnvrsleeps https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-13-rustnvrsleeps-twenty-past-four/#post-56527 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-13-rustnvrsleeps-twenty-past-four/#post-56526 Sat, 31 Jan 2004 00:50:31 +0000
I'm guessing there's a chorus to go between

got my back to the wall and my toes are on the ledge

now my old lady shes about as fine as can be

otherwise your second verse is double the size of your first (at least to my reading).

The verses and the bridge are really well done just the third line of the chorus knocks me out of step/rhythm when I read it - just have another look.

Good stuff

bob  :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-13-rustnvrsleeps-twenty-past-four/#post-56526 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-13-rustnvrsleeps-twenty-past-four/#post-1678 Sat, 31 Jan 2004 00:28:41 +0000
verse 1
knots in my shoulders
theres pins in my brain
despite what i told her
she still gon' feel the same
all that i wanted
was her and nothing less
she said i cant be trusted
it stabbed me in my chest

bridge..
well it was deserving
i had left her once before
i told her hey i was learning
as she shuffled out the door

CHORUS
tensions have mounted me, im truddin like a horse
cant shrug them off, im swervin off my course
all these problems dont mean sh*t  right now
cuz its twenty past four and im floatin in the clouds

verse 2
lost my job today
boss dropped me like a weight
seems like just yesterday
he was saying i was great
but the budgets slipping fast
their trimmin off the edge
got my back to the wall
and my toes are on the ledge

BRIDGE 2
Does anyone deserve this  
Hey I gave them half my life  
And  then they toss me to the street  
And lock me out of sight

CHORUS 2
tensions been mountin me, im truddin like a horse
cant shrug them off my lord, im swervin off my course
all these problems dont mean sh*t  to me right now
cuz its twenty past four and im floatin in the clouds


VERSE 3
now my old lady shes about as fine as can be
people say they never met a man with luck like me
i told her my troubles, how i'd been cut loose like a trout
well she packed up her s*it and left me, without a damn doubt

bridge
well i guess i deserved it
i gave her all she need
and now that i cant-shes gone
she left me here to bleed

chorus 3
tensions have mounted me, im truddin like a horse
cant shrug them off, im swervin off my course
all these problems dont mean sh*t  right now
cuz its twenty past four and im floatin in the clouds

anyone have ideas for an outro???









]]> Sunday Songwriters Group rustnvrsleeps https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-13-rustnvrsleeps-twenty-past-four/#post-1678