https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 02:21:50 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56757 Sat, 14 Feb 2004 17:56:54 +0000
go well
Ja'mir]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56757 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56756 Sat, 14 Feb 2004 07:29:50 +0000
-Marv]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56756 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56755 Fri, 13 Feb 2004 23:17:57 +0000
The extra verses are good. The song was running a little short hehe. The story has a lot more to it now.

On the critique end. The meter is a bit off In verse 3

What about:

Midnight, blue satin, Hides my love for you
Shadowed, eyes closed, emotions shut from view
Scared feelings float, above these rushing waves
Holding back the depth of love I crave

I don't like the "holding back" all that much. But now the meters match on verses 1-3 and 2-4

There's my input.
-Marv
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56755 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56754 Fri, 13 Feb 2004 22:29:30 +0000
Oh yeah... the song.  This works very well as a back-and-forth dialogue.  Having listened to both of you, I'm really looking forward to hearing it.

Scratch]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56754 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56753 Fri, 13 Feb 2004 21:55:14 +0000

Marv
Midnight, blue satin, shimmers, in the night
Silhouettes born of the soft candle light    
I watch, I wait, your breath, the rise and fall
Mirrored in the shadows on the wall

Marv
Midnight, blue satin, molded, to your thighs
Rippling, waves, ebb and flow to your cries
A fluid, moving river, no turning of the tide
Bet yet, still some mystery, a deeper part you hide

Marv
Midnight, blue satin, etched in my brain
Physical ecstasy, emotional pain

Ja'mir
Midnight blue satin, hide my endless love for you
Shadowed, eyes closed, emotions shut from view
Scared feelings float, above these rushing waves
Not wanting you to see the depth of love I crave

Ja'mir
Midnight blue satin, tears burn in my eyes
Would you turn on the tide, knowing what I hide
My hands explore your body, I feel the rising heat,
I wrap myself around you, lost in lust, we meet

Ja'mir
Midnight, blue satin, etched in my brain
Physical ecstasy, emotional pain

Marv
Midnight, blue satin, tossed, on the floor
Bodies, entwined, like waves caressing the shore
I, hear your cry, I come to your call
Mirrored in the shadow of the wall

Ja'mir
Midnight, blue satin, etched in my brain
Physical ecstasy, emotional pain


Well what' y'aaaaalllllll think

Go well
Ja'mir ;)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56753 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56752 Wed, 11 Feb 2004 00:13:49 +0000 Hope I get some feedback on them from others, plus my new ones..
???
Nothing as yet.....
Go well and thanks again
Ja'mir ;)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56752 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56751 Tue, 10 Feb 2004 00:22:15 +0000 knew you would do a great job changing Pardon to the female perspective! I think I prefer the version of Emerald Eyes you recorded last year a little better, a bit slower tempo, more longing in it, but this version is great too.

Another fine job by Jamir! (Applause, applause!!!! )  ;D ;D]]> Sunday Songwriters Group maxwell https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56751 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56750 Mon, 09 Feb 2004 19:56:32 +0000 "I need a fix cos I'm going down........."]]> Sunday Songwriters Group maxwell https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56750 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56749 Sun, 08 Feb 2004 21:36:25 +0000
Lets see what melody Marv comes up with, maybe I can sing it from a female point of view to a man,
You really must listen to Marv's song "Which 5 o'clock"
and nothing to do with this song but
Adam has put your songs up, so we'll see the comments and then decide which one you want to sell to earn your millions. Did you get the ones I sent you or is your mail box full?
go well
Ja'mir ;)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56749 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56748 Sat, 07 Feb 2004 21:11:42 +0000
Nothing personal Marv, I'm sure you have a great voice, but my ears are already prisoners to Jamir's voice. 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group maxwell https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-14-midnight-blue-the-rewrite/paged/2/#post-56748