https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-16-rob/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 07:50:47 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-16-rob/#post-56840 Sun, 22 Feb 2004 21:06:53 +0000
i'll change the line 'Images of desert', the main offender for putting the beat off,  to 'Their lives are empty'

as for the half-rhyme, i think its ok, the way its sung emphasises the 'i' in each of them

i'm considering rephrasing the first line to keep the beat a bit better as well but haven't come up with anything yet.

rob]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Rob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-16-rob/#post-56840 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-16-rob/#post-56839 Fri, 20 Feb 2004 09:38:42 +0000
I think you have a great idea regarding the instrumental section and the repetition of verse 1. That will bring your whole song full circle (which seems to work, with the "family, friends, never ends" section that appears and reappears with slight modifications).

As for some comments/suggestions: It all flowed really well for me, except for the verse: Blinding illusion
Comsumes their sight
Images of desert
No one by their side The beats seem a bit off to me, and the last two lines don't seem as connected as other verses. Also, you rhyme side/sight (which is almost the same). Think about this verse some more (I will too, and I'll tell you if I come up with anything profound).

It all has a short, quick feel to it - I like that. What kind of music did you envision?

- SP]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-16-rob/#post-56839 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-16-rob/#post-56838 Thu, 19 Feb 2004 22:23:08 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-16-rob/#post-56838 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-16-rob/#post-1746 Thu, 19 Feb 2004 20:04:25 +0000
its been a long while but heres another contribution:

in an attempt to be grandious the title will be something like: The Wilderness of Company

They're all around you
Try not to stare
Millions of faces
All filled with fear

Fear for their family
Fear for their friends
Fear for their safety
Their fear never ends

They can't be happy
Their full of stress
Can't see their lucky
That they possess

Love rom their family
Love from their friends
Love keeps them safely
The Love never ends

Blinding illusion
Comsumes their sight
Their lives are empty
No one by their side

Can't see their family
Can't see their friends
Can't see their safety
That the fear's pretend

after the last verse i'm considering having a bit of an instrumental bridge and then repeating the first verse.

Any comments/criticisms much appreciated

rob :)
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Rob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-16-rob/#post-1746