https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 01:44:33 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-57135 Sun, 04 Apr 2004 20:28:40 +0000
I'm amazed that you think this could possibly be a 'might have been' I think it's brilliant.  I'm sure the all powerful (Nick to you and me) would be able to come up with something to improve it but I honestly think it's fine as it stands.

I don't think it needs to be longer with verses but maybe with another chorus (as it changes through the song) tacked on the end to round it off.


Valerie is twenty three
And I guess that she will always be...

And when they meet she'll ask her God
All powerful and good
Why in this world there's always guns
But never any food

This type of song always runs the risk of sentimentality but I think you stay away from that very well.

Good stuff

Bob  :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-57135 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-57134 Sun, 04 Apr 2004 19:57:54 +0000
I agree that it should be longer, but I truly had (and still have) problems with this one. I figured that something in the folk vein would be easy, but the narration keeps threatening to turn preachy and overdone. Or worse, smarmy and/or sentimental. Or worse yet, self-involved. Having had a good start, I'm at ends trying to find the right balance as far as tone is concerned.

You've given me some good ideas to wrok with, Jamir. My thanks again (and always) for that. Hopefully this one won't end up in the "might have been" bin.

Peace



You've given me some]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-57134 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-57133 Sat, 03 Apr 2004 06:59:01 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group silly_rabbit https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-57133 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-57132 Sat, 03 Apr 2004 01:15:33 +0000
I actually didn't find much i didn't like other than it was too short.......


Who are you, and what have you done with Ja'mir?    :D]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-57132 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-57131 Sat, 03 Apr 2004 00:44:50 +0000 I actually didn't find much i didn't like other than it was too short....... I was wanting more to see what happened. ..... so

Chocolate And A Bath

Valerie is twenty three in a place far from home
Giving food 'n smiles to kids, scant souls of skin and bone
She says she wants for nothing, but should anybody ask
She'd love a bit of chocolate,and then maybe a hot bath

And she tells us all about her God ,
All powerful and good
In a world where there are always guns  
But never any food

While somewhere in America,far across the sea
Where even the poorest of the poor , are as fat as can be
A man sells us munitions, via satellite and phone
Spends the money earned on chocolate, a health bath spree

And they'll say a blessing to their God
All powerful and good
In a world where there are always guns  
But never any food

Valerie is twenty three,and I guess she'll always be..
Dreaming of chocolate, and hot baths, behind what her eyes see
Asking her God all powerful and good , to help her to survive
Where corruption, greed and hatred are the wholly three
.
And she'll still say a prayer to her God
All powerful and good
In a world where there are always guns  
But never any food

Valerie is 23 , she's on a lonely path
She'd love a bit of chocolate,and then maybe a hot bath
Yes, Valerie is 23 , think of her , when guns are fired
When news is bad and kids are killed, the ugly aftermath

So say a prayer to her God
All powerful and good
In a world where there are always guns  
But never any food

Go well

Ja'mir ;)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-57131 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-1832 Fri, 02 Apr 2004 07:32:46 +0000

Chocolate And A Bath

Valerie is twenty three
She's a Place far from her home
Giving food and smiles to children
Scant souls of skin and bone
She says she wants for nothing
But should anybody ask
She'd love a bit of chocolate
And then maybe a hot bath

And she tells us all about her God
All powerful and good
In a world where there are always guns
But never any food

While somewhere in America
So far across the sea
Where even the poorest of the poor
Are as fat as one can be
A man sells us munitions
Via satellite and phone
Takes the money to McDonalds
And brings his family's dinner home

And they'll say a blessing to their God
All powerful and good
In a world where there are always guns
But never any food

Valerie is twenty three
And I guess that she will always be...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Yes, it definitely needs work. Where's Nick when you really need him, eh?

Peace

]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-22-dhodge/#post-1832