https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-24-masterpiece-revised/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 10:58:04 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-24-masterpiece-revised/#post-57276 Sat, 17 Apr 2004 14:19:48 +0000
Excellent work - it builds on the original assignment piece really well.

The concept, whilst gruesome, is really well thought out.  The chorus is great and the flow of the song overall is very good.

One line caused me problems

I wouldn't think that she often gets through the mail,

It took me a few readings to get through it but it's there now so I wouldn't necessarily change it.  Possibly just remove either that or often.

I like the can't wear sunglasses line.

Good imagery, good storyline and good flow.

Great stuff

Bob  ;)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-24-masterpiece-revised/#post-57276 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-24-masterpiece-revised/#post-1861 Sat, 17 Apr 2004 13:22:34 +0000 over here.  

Masterpiece


I Sit in my van, starry, starry night
little seems real, nothing is right
I told her I love her with all that I am
She laughed and shunned me, now I'm on the lam


Lend me an ear, Van Gogh,
This is something you've dealt with I know,
I don't want to listen  to excuses and lies,
if she won't take me all, perhaps a piece will suffice
But honestly I'll never know.
I'm gonna send it, and make my van go.


I can't help but wonder just how she feels
does she think it was noble, does she think I'm a heel,
I wouldn't think that she often gets through the mail,
Reminders of relationships failed


Lend me an ear, Van Gogh,
This is something you've dealt with I know,
I don't want to listen  to excuses and lies,
if she won't take me all, perhaps a piece will suffice
But honestly I'll never know.
I'll just send it, and make my van go


I could go to Florida and heal as time passes,
Or somewhere less bright since I can't wear sunglasses,
I don't understand what it is that I lack,
But it's done, and I'm not going back.


Lend me an ear, Van Gogh,
This is something you've dealt with I know,
I don't want to listen  to excuses and lies,
if she won't take me all, perhaps a piece will suffice
But honestly I'll never know.
I'll just send it, and make my van go


Thanks,
-- Scratch]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-24-masterpiece-revised/#post-1861