SSG2 - Week 3 - Apefeet - Sunday Songwriters Group

Re: SSG2 - Week 3 - Apefeet

Anonymous — Sun, 23 Nov 2003 09:07:27 +0000

You're off to a great start!
I especially like the chorus and the way that every verse connects back with a common theme of night/ light.

Good lines: prowling the night
searching for souls to drink - Silly putty

Re: SSG2 - Week 3 - Apefeet

MJBird — Sun, 23 Nov 2003 08:04:07 +0000

Your right on the edge of getting the images forming
but you need a few more words to make that happen.
You have the outline...and thats the hardest part.
I am a big fan of concise and have been criticized for overdoing it (and rightly so). Now I extend the same
benefit to you. ;)

SSG2 - Week 3 - Apefeet

apefeet — Sat, 22 Nov 2003 22:05:08 +0000

This was a hard excerise, but a good one. This song did not want to be born :-)
I think I am getting better with meter. Not sure about what kind of music for this.
Something slow and dark. My feeling is there should be a pause between each line.
The title is kind of a guess, suggestions anyone?

My words:
night eternity dark prowling souls possessed evil abyss fallen shadows
pain beast death burned moon coffin torment

Memories of light

another night dawns
an eternity of dark
prowling the night
searching for souls to drink

possessed by evil
deep in the abyss
fallen from grace
living always in the shadows

searching for the sun
to wash away the pain
releasing the beast
that is me

beast of night
in search of souls
drinking them dry
leaving death in my wake

memories of light
burned in my mind
so many years
the moon my only friend

another day dawns
the coffin is cold
longing for light
the torment of death to end

Â© 2003 - Richard Cornwell