SSG2 - week 40 - lying eyes - Sunday Songwriters Group

RE: SSG2 - week 40 - lying eyes

scratchmonkey — Thu, 19 Aug 2004 03:27:09 +0000

Wow. After this week's reminder that I'd been negligent in critiquing other folks' submissions, I noticed that I also never got back to you two on last weeks. So...

First, thanks for the kind words. It's really quite encouraging to have your work be well received.

bluenightangel --

Yep. "Tequila Sunrise" is a song by the Eagles. It's one of my favorites. They had some truly excellent lines in most of their songs. And yes, I would just love it if I came up with that one, but I didn't.

I'm not familiar with Adam Green. I'll have to look him up.

cheapthrill -- one line falls a little short in syllables.
"and how to read that twinkle
in your eyes. "
......
but it seems to read more as one line. Yeah, you're right. Actually, vs. 1&2 should be one verse. And vs. 3&4 should be one verse. I ought to look these over a couple times before I submit them.

Thanks again for taking the time to read this.

-- Scratch 8)

RE: SSG2 - week 40 - lying eyes

CheapThrill — Sun, 15 Aug 2004 05:54:58 +0000

hey scratch,

ok i have now reread your song and yet again it almost made me cry, DAMN YOU.

asa far as what you said that you wanted to have more eagel sing titles in this song. i like the way that there aren't. i like the empasis on the main title lying eyes.

"But you made "Lying Eyes" your way of life. " i really like the wording here.

you really manage to put the reading in the subjects shoes and have them feel everything that the subject feels.
But a love that only has one side,
also has one end,
I loved you
while you loved all my friends. have to agree with blue on this verse.

i have to say i think i am becomming one of your biggest fans. nothing of yours that i have read so far (over the last 2 months or so) has ever not appealed to me. nothing of your have i thought "i don't really like this one, or don't care for it." ok i will stop swooning here and get on with the critique.

there is one little thing that i feel doesn't go with the flow of the rest of the song. one line falls a little short in syllables.

"and how to read that twinkle
in your eyes. "
great lines wonderful and to quote blue wow, this is excellent, thought evoking:) but it seems to read more as one line. when it is read as two lines the second line seems to be too short. don't know if i am getting too picky and if it were sung if that would even matter, probably not. that is about it for things that i could see being changed.

a big fan,
CheapThrill

RE: SSG2 - week 40 - lying eyes

straycat. — Fri, 13 Aug 2004 14:14:59 +0000

hi scratch:)

I'd like to second what cheap thrill wrote, this song's great!
know how I hear it in my head? I hear adam green singing this...have you ever heard anything from him?

'Red horizon, Tequila Sunrise' is awesome(I guess 'Tequila Sunrise' is one of those Eagles's song titles? something you wish you wrote yourself, at least I do;)
and how to read that twinkle
in your eyes. wow, this is excellent, thought evoking:) But a love that only has one side,
also has one end, - also very cool, sounds like it should become a thoughful often-quoted saying:)

I like the chorus, too

really, I can't see anything to improve, I'm sorry :wink:
I know you like to have constructive criticism...*thinkinghardly* maybe the chorus isn't as strong as the verses...but if so then only slightly, I like it anyways.

see you
bluenightangel

RE: SSG2 - week 40 - lying eyes

CheapThrill — Fri, 13 Aug 2004 06:12:56 +0000

hey scratch,

just wanted to leave a quick reply, will leave a longer one when i have time to reread though it. like before i can't just say two words. but here they are for now.

from the first read though i really like it. top notch! this song makes me sad :( i know if i read it again right now i will cry. so i will read it again later and comment better like always.

it is always a pleasure reading your work even if it makes me cry. just goes to show the calibur of emotion that you manage to pack into a song.

so much for that quick reply. more to come when i reread it.

-CheapThrill

SSG2 - week 40 - lying eyes

scratchmonkey — Thu, 12 Aug 2004 20:25:12 +0000

Well, I don't know how narrative it is, but I think it addresses the assignment. I also think when I get time to re-work it, I'll try to work in a different Eagles title in each verse. I started out that way, but then it fizzled out, and it's getting pretty late in the week, so.... call it a rough draft.

week 40

Red horizon, Tequila Sunrise
makes me think of you.
and all the things you taught me
that I wish I never knew

Like how to hold my head up
when it's time to say goodbye
and how to read that twinkle
in your eyes.

Your favorite song was "Lying Eyes",
I should have had a clue
there's more to why you liked the song
than just a pretty tune.
Down in my heart I always dreamed
one day you'd be my wife,
But you made "Lying Eyes" your way of life.

I knew that I could change you
if I stayed by your side,
and I was always faithful,
even though you never tried.

But a love that only has one side,
also has one end,
I loved you
while you loved all my friends.

Your favorite song was "Lying Eyes",
I should have had a clue
there's more to why you liked the song
than just a pretty tune.
Down in my heart I always dreamed
one day you'd be my wife,
But you made "Lying Eyes" your way of life.

-- Scratch 8)