https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 15:31:00 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-72245 Sun, 10 Oct 2004 14:58:05 +0000
Great little song full of emotion and paints a forlorn picture of a party. That's the assignment as I'd seen it in my head.

Good stuff

Bob :D]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-72245 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71923 Thu, 07 Oct 2004 09:17:22 +0000
Reads a whole lot more smoothly now, without losing the raw emotion...nice work!!!

:) :) :)

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71923 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71920 Thu, 07 Oct 2004 08:42:11 +0000
What can I say that hasn't been said. You did a good job capturing and expressing a feeling that everybody can identify with.

-- Scratch 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group scratchmonkey https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71920 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71787 Wed, 06 Oct 2004 03:32:13 +0000 :D :D]]> Sunday Songwriters Group smokindog https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71787 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71785 Wed, 06 Oct 2004 03:23:49 +0000
cute little song here. the sentiment is very true. i like the short lines and the simplicity of wording since the subject the having such a hard time talking. just a sweet tender song, makes you feel simpatetic toward the guy.

-CheapThrill]]> Sunday Songwriters Group CheapThrill https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71785 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71784 Wed, 06 Oct 2004 03:14:22 +0000 I've fixed up the grammar, tenses, POV, and spelling... aheh
Hopefully that does it :)

thanks again
sozay]]> Sunday Songwriters Group sozay https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71784 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71741 Tue, 05 Oct 2004 20:49:23 +0000 and say i really liked the 'The small talk was miniscule' line.

rob:)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Rob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71741 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71717 Tue, 05 Oct 2004 18:56:19 +0000
might not be the best song you ever wrote but it's a good one :wink:
I wasn't to enthusiastic about it but then I read the line Whispered to no one, but the breeze ...that's cute.
so now I like it, besides you've been describing me pretty well(except that I'm a girl :) ).........

well done.
bluenightangel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71717 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71703 Tue, 05 Oct 2004 15:41:07 +0000

Good take on the assignment. Vic makes some valid points about the grammar. You raelly caught the feel of the situation . One thing stuck out and it may just be a typo. The line: "Relieved to take you leave"
Shouldn't that be "Relieved to take your leave" Good Work

Celt]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71703 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71669 Tue, 05 Oct 2004 05:08:37 +0000
A) So the song works, good images.......
B) the scenario fits the assignment......

Mission accomplished.

May not be the greatest title, but it's part of the chorus and fits the song, so unless you feel inspired and come up with a real killer, stick with it.

Couple of small grammatical changes might make it flow a liitle smoother - you're mixing tenses (first verse is looking back, it's set in the past tense, while the chorus is set in the present...it's a statement) and mixing persons...("When I saw HER" in the verse, third person......."That YOU're ready to hear" in the chorus, 2nd person).......could be easily remedied though, try changing the chorus round a little,

"I had nothing to say,
(That) She was ready to hear"

following the first two verses......that's the past taken care of......keep the 3rd verse (Bridge?) as it is in the present tense, the scenario has switched from then to now....past tense to present, i.e. the first two verses were flashbacks, the bridge is NOW and she's leaving.......

so leave the bridge as it is, then the final chorus as it is, and then "I love you, I love you, I whisper to the breeze...."

Hope this helps.......

Vic.

:) :) :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-48-sozay/#post-71669