https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 10:57:52 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-74110 Fri, 29 Oct 2004 08:30:01 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group smokindog https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-74110 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-74099 Fri, 29 Oct 2004 04:53:08 +0000

If I only had the time
to keep my secrets straight
I see the clock but it's just too late]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Nick Torres https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-74099 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73985 Thu, 28 Oct 2004 03:52:52 +0000
Mirror those old golden bands.....

She's given you the ring back, it's on the bedside table - along with your own...the rings from the glasses mirror the entwined wedding rings which are, sadly, on the table instead of on your fingers......

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73985 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73890 Wed, 27 Oct 2004 08:13:48 +0000
Because this is still in the first draft stage, there's not much yet that I could say about it, except that I'm really quite keen on seeing how it shapes up. I really like the last verse: rings from whiskey glasses
etch the bedside table
reflecting double rings of gold The only thing is, I think "reflecting" isn't the best word here. As I'm reading this, I take your meaning to be that the character in the song sees the water rings left by his whiskey glasses, (possibly overlapped) and it reminds him of the wedding bands. If I'm right, then there must be a better word for it than "reflecting." I'm sure you're familiar with Mark Twain's axiom about the right word vs. the almost right word. And I think in this case, reflecting is the almost right word.

Really looking forward to seeing how this progresses.

-- Scratch 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group scratchmonkey https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73890 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73863 Wed, 27 Oct 2004 01:50:58 +0000
This is still in first draft stage and incomplete, I'll try to get more done tonight.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Nick Torres https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73863 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73861 Wed, 27 Oct 2004 01:47:11 +0000
but if i had to help you out (and i'm not good at helping, i usually just say "what would i do if i wrote this?" so beware!) but if i had to i'd...

When pen and paper fight
like man and wife
the children are harmed.
(assuming this should (slant) rhyme with "wrong"

actually. i'm not sure what your rhyme sceme is or even the flow of everything.. so i actually don't think i can help you without completely assuming everything. but who knows. maybe my blabbering helped]]> Sunday Songwriters Group geoffrey https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73861 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73786 Tue, 26 Oct 2004 12:48:46 +0000
Good to see you scribbling again, Nick.


A :-)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Alan Green https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73786 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73764 Tue, 26 Oct 2004 06:01:04 +0000
Eventually the letter will be about writing the letter. I think.

and yep, the words won't get the woman back.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Nick Torres https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73764 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73762 Tue, 26 Oct 2004 05:47:17 +0000
i like what you have so far. nice imagery, but am lost a little bit on story, if there is a solid one. you have a good start, you certainly leave me wanting a whole lot more.
I've got a pocket full of lines
And words to write
And they can't get me what was mine these are my favorite lines here. but i don't quite like/get the last line here. :? what was mine? i think i just figured something out here, a few mins after writting that. are you talking about the words can't get you your woman back?

can't wait to see what changes are to come.

-CheapThrill]]> Sunday Songwriters Group CheapThrill https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73762 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73761 Tue, 26 Oct 2004 05:40:54 +0000
And if you are going to use this section,
When pen and paper fight
Like man and wife
say black is white and day is night
which as I understand it, is always up for review.

Then how about re-wording it to..

When pen and paper fight
Like how man and wife
Swear day is night, and black is white.

I like the line, rings from whisky glasses, but the rest of that section seems to elaborate.

May be just me though.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Spadge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week-51-nick/#post-73761