https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week3-tavonem/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 00:38:04 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week3-tavonem/#post-55866 Sun, 23 Nov 2003 06:59:48 +0000
Really nice job.  ]]> Sunday Songwriters Group MJBird https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week3-tavonem/#post-55866 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week3-tavonem/#post-55865 Wed, 19 Nov 2003 00:45:40 +0000
Really love your use of words here, a real joy to read.
I personally would leave the chorus in, it breaks it a bit but think it is worth keeping.
Looking forward to reading more of your stuff, well done  ;D
Go well
Jamir ;)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week3-tavonem/#post-55865 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week3-tavonem/#post-1505 Tue, 18 Nov 2003 16:34:13 +0000
heres me words:

twilight  weird broken black underneath shadow eiriee sky rain lightning haunted
souless nightmare firelight burning beckoning running

heres me song:

sombre twilight, monotone
shades of grey and silver moon
cold mist breaks, reforms as soon as
passage has been granted

he moves in stealth his silence earned
an apprentiship he'd served and learned
his keen eye spied some earth fresh turned
at the head a stone implanted

chorus:
he knew she'd love him, blood then lust
exploding his senses
left senseless
whispering promises
turning to dust
till the night comes around once again

then reflex quick with tools of trade
from hand to earth he slid the spade
a coffin laid in open grave
exhumed and then transplanted

he was heavy not being his brother ( :))
nameless faceless just  A.N.Other
body for his vampiric lover
whos blood could be decanted...

chorus:


she'd slake her thirst throughout the night
sillouetted by the firelight
his gothic queen slurped her delight
he watched aroused, enchanted

chorus:
he knew she'd love him, blood then lust
exploding his senses
left senseless
whispering promises
turning to dust
till the night comes around once again

but theives who steal into that night
for a price their souls
they sacrifce
and when their turn comes
for release
never will they rest in peace
never will they rest in peace (fading)
never will they rest in peace (fade out)

i'm not sure if all the verses should be together and not interuppted by the chorus cos then i lose the end line rhyme, maybe just the chorus at the end would be better?
cheers,tav.








]]> Sunday Songwriters Group tavonem https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-week3-tavonem/#post-1505