https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 08:27:47 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56459 Sun, 25 Jan 2004 11:20:54 +0000
Just a thought.  You could consider adding more impact to this line: A family photograph, Now just for me with something like A faded family photo, a moment of life to me , or something like that to show that it is not just a piece of paper, but moments of time captured within the photo; the sounds, the laughter, the joy, the weather, the argument, the stain on the tie, the torn stocking, etc., all the memories that come to mind when you look at that photo.  Its alive!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group maxwell https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56459 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56458 Sat, 24 Jan 2004 23:40:57 +0000
I never noticed that  :). that is whats so great about these forums, other people see what we don't.

Thank-you Jamir, I'm not sure when I'll get it up, I'm sorta at something else right now I need to get finished.

take care
inkpen :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Inkpen https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56458 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56457 Sat, 24 Jan 2004 22:40:38 +0000
My only criticism is that in the first verse, lines 1 and 2 rhyme, and lines 3 and 4 rhyme. But in the rest of the song, it's only lines 2 and 4 that rhyme. So the rhyming is a little uneven. I also thought that in the first 2 lines "round" and "around" was a little repetitive.

Maybe try switching the lines around:

I'm looking at a picture, where my children circle round
I remember when it was taken, like it was yesterday
My husband holds my hand, smiles are everywhere
Now time faded the colors, turned my hair to gray

Well, my 3rd line needs work but I think you get my suggestion!
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Gina https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56457 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56456 Sat, 24 Jan 2004 20:04:53 +0000 when are we going to hear it ?

hopfully soon
Ja'mir ;)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56456 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56455 Sat, 24 Jan 2004 18:55:45 +0000
I try to write country, but tend to lean toward folk and ballads.

P.S. Glad "himself" is still alive and kicking, does he realized he's been immortalized in song before his time.

;D ;D  Me too,
No he doesn't   ;)

take care
inkpen :)


]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Inkpen https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56455 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56454 Sat, 24 Jan 2004 18:29:45 +0000 What type of music do you play?
I can visualize it shortened, but also like it the way it is. I play folk and ballad and as it stands, would work very well that way. ( so don't change it tooooo muc ok  ;)

Go well
Ja'mir

P.S. Glad "himself" is still alive and kicking, does he realized he's been immortalized in song before his time
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56454 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56453 Sat, 24 Jan 2004 17:50:57 +0000
I will give it another go and try to tighten it up a little Olav,
Silly_putty I never realized that, and besides kids will fit and sound better I think.


Thanks again guys
Inkpen :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Inkpen https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56453 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56452 Sat, 24 Jan 2004 05:14:12 +0000   Very good writing (it has a lonely undertone, a sort of Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle" type of message).

As for Olav's comments: I agree that there may be places where you can tighten up the lyrics (though not necessarily as drastically as he suggested...unless you want to).

My only comment is that it's sort of confusing when you say "my children's ...". I can't tell whether it's supposed to be one child or multiple children. Perhaps, there's more than one child, you could say "my kids have" or "my kids are." That fixes the singular/plural issue.

Keep it up,
silly putty]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56452 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56451 Wed, 21 Jan 2004 19:14:51 +0000 I like the story. It flows well. However, I do think it is a bit long.
Maybe try to shorten the lines to something like this

Framed memories, childrens laughter
My hand in his,
Its like it was yesterday
But time faded the colors,
And turned my hair to gray

I dont know, that may just ruin it for you, but do you see what I mean?
This is just my opinion, and it is YOUR lyrics. And I do think its great writing. Your writing that is
Blessings. Olav
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Olav https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-56451 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-1657 Wed, 21 Jan 2004 17:45:06 +0000
Family Photograph

I'm looking at a picture, where my children circle round
My husbands holding my hand, there's smiles all around
I remember when it was taken, like it was yesterday
Now time faded the colors, turned my hair to gray

Just a family photograph, a memory of my past
Hanging on my wall for all to see.
My children's fully grown, my husband has passed on
A family photograph, Now just for me

My children's got no time, there's a lot on their minds
Trying to raise a family in a world of constant change.
It's ok I understand, I know life must continue on
I sure wish I could have that time back again

Just a family photograph, a memory of my past
Hanging on my wall for all to see.
My children's fully grown, my husband has passed on
A family photograph, Now just for me
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Inkpen https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg2-wk-12-family-photograph/#post-1657