https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 12:52:16 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-154835 Fri, 27 Jan 2006 16:54:14 +0000 I'm the last one standin & he's lookin for dessert

That was classic. You've got plenty of other good lines too -- it's a very visual piece; very evocative.

The only jarring thing on first read was line two: "what do my poor eyes site." It's an unusual word-choice, which seems to have been done just for the sake of rhyme (though it could be sung with irony, as if you're winking at the audience). You could play around a little to preserve the rhyme and make the line more natural, like "and look what's in my sight."

I hear this as a fast Charlie-Daniel's style talking ballad. I think the meter would work in that style.

Good job!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group iambictreat https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-154835 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-154530 Thu, 26 Jan 2006 10:00:10 +0000 with an ace up his sleeve, marked deck, dealing dirty & down
I guess you take what you can livin in this one horse town "
Now how cool is that 8) 8) 8) Good job --the dog]]> Sunday Songwriters Group smokindog https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-154530 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-154450 Thu, 26 Jan 2006 00:30:05 +0000
well I think this song is a perfect example of using one imagery to tell a different story. I think youve done a great job using to Card game imagery to tell the Adam / Devil temptation story, lots of biblical references in there too. Well done :D , Im hearing it as a country number.

cheers

pbee]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-154450 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-154358 Wed, 25 Jan 2006 16:11:12 +0000
This is a great story, well told and with lots of fascinating and fun imagery (and I have to dig back in my memory about the famous "aces and eights," the "deadman's hand," as you note. Which notorius gunman had that hand? Ah, it's a shame to lose one's memory... :wink: ).

It certainly can stand some tightening up in places. But a little smoothing out of the rhythms and some deft rewriting and this will be even more terrific.

Can't even begin to list my favorite bits - "luck the Irish dream of," "Adam" being first (of course he would be, no?), the whole "Adam" verse and the little dialogue between Lou and our hapless narrator at the end. Took a lot of guts to walk away!

I know that the music aspect of it is not always your priority, but did you have anything specific in mind? Maybe it's the subject matter, but I've got the Grateful Dead's version of "Me And My Uncle" rolling around in my head.

Looking forward to more.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-154358 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-154204 Tue, 24 Jan 2006 21:13:08 +0000 Tell me there's more?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group martin-6 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-154204 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-14899 Tue, 24 Jan 2006 19:52:47 +0000
THE ROAD TOO OFTEN TRAVELLED
**********************************************
well I've been on the trail for 40 days and as many nites
hit a fork dead ahead, on the low road's a temping site
the path leads to a town itchin to be painted tonight

as I pull into town I see the sign for Last Stop Saloon
there's a card game in back so I figured I'd pull up a stool
I grab the last open chair, kick back and order a brew

now the dealer looks shady but it's the only game around
with an ace up his sleeve, marked deck, dealing dirty & down
I guess you take what you can livin in this one horse town

the dealer's name is Lou & he's got the luck the Irish dream of
he's got the world by the horns and on each arm a soiled dove
now he loves his job dealing but it's no labor of love

First up is Adam and he bets the farm, he's "all in"
the dealer tosses him both card & a devilish grin
the deuce hits the table, the floor Adam's chin

one by one they ante up, one by one they lose their shirt
Lou's devoured every player but what makes matters worse
I'm the last one standin & he's lookin for dessert

down to my last chip and Lou throws in the kitchen sink
I look him straight in the eye but you he doesn't blink
"I'm all tapped out" when he says "You still have one thing"

"I'll cover your bet I'll even spot you aces & eights
But you gotta make up your mind cause I'm runnin' a little late
You're overdue kid, come on now show a little faith"

now I'm sure his pitch enticed many to go along with his plan
and I don't claim to be much better than the average man
but I will tell you it's awful tempting to play the Dead Man's Hand

since it was judgement time, when you either fold or stand pat
I realized you can't take it with you, I stood up & grabbed my hat
"We'll cross paths again" I said, he sneered "you can bet on that"]]> Sunday Songwriters Group P0RR https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-12/#post-14899