SSG4 Week 20 - Drive - mp3 - Sunday Songwriters Group

RE: SSG4 Week 20 - Drive - mp3

Ghost — Fri, 24 Mar 2006 03:02:32 +0000

Listened to your MP3 and liked it.

It's a big difference from reading and hearing a song.

Your song came together nicely I think.

:D

RE: SSG4 Week 20 - Drive - mp3

Celt — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 17:06:57 +0000

Nice song Paul,

Sometimes the MP3 makes all the difference. At first I had
many of the same reservations as Martin but this is a good listen.

I like the way you work the rhythm of the road into the rhythm of
the song.

The "deception" in verse 2 works well (it fooled me for what that's worth)

A good song to listen to on a road trip.

John

RE: SSG4 Week 20 - Drive - mp3

BarnaBus RoX — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 14:05:31 +0000

sorry Pbee

how did I miss your song ...

I really enjoyed your MP3 , those high notes well done mate awesome high notes :lol:

I think this song could be about my new car , the bridge works really well here .

You have put a nice take on the subject matter I like it ...

When I read this I wasn't too sure about some rhymes but the MP3 cleared them , I suppose it's all about how long one holds the note ..

Well done mate

Sorry I missed it .

Ps
Paul I have been working on Knocking on Heavens door by Dylan I have it almost right , will post a recording when I feel it's right

Cheers
Hilch :?:

RE: SSG4 Week 20 - Drive - mp3

pbee — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 11:31:25 +0000

Ive recorded an mp3 here:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=328886

RE: SSG4 Week 20 - Drive - mp3

pbee — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 00:06:58 +0000

Hi Martin,
Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate your comments.

-first verse: nice, works well
Thanks

-second verse: A little confusing. I am not clear about what the 3rd line means. What is "the rest"? The last line could also do with explaining.
This verse alludes to rhythm of the car on the road and how the rhythm of their love was always there but circumstances beyond their control prevented them from making it work. It is an awkward verse Ill agree, my intention is to deceive the reader/listener into thinking that he's leaving her when in fact he's coming back to stay this time.

-bridge: well firstly the second line repeats the first - don't know if this was intentional but I don't feel the effect is a good one. The line about changing lanes feels very forced. If you want to use a metaphor here, it doesn't have to be car-related.
Agreed, the â€œchanging lanesâ€ will probably have to go.

-third verse: in the first two lines are you talking literally about the car? Because I initially thought you were talking about "test-driving" another girl... which puts a different spin on the song. When you say "Gotta great look and feel" I was anticipating some kind of description of what made this car/girl so great. I feel the song is a little lacking overall in descriptive passages.
Ha, this is me trying to be clever, in his mind the car becomes a metaphor for her, I think the first line could do with some rework here, I don't think that quite works.

-fourth verse: "tour of duty" conjures up a military image which seems very out of place with the rest of the song. Deliberate? Also in this verse you are doing a lot of repeating of previous lines. Which could be a good or bad thing... ahh, I'll let you off.
"tour of duty", is the reason that he's been away, you see he wasn't leaving her after all.

thanks

Paul

RE: SSG4 Week 20 - Drive - mp3

martin-6 — Tue, 21 Mar 2006 15:15:34 +0000

I think your song is ok but not sensational by your standards. It seems to me like a lot of the driving references feel quite forced, as if it's just getting in the way of what you actually want to write about.

I know this probably sounds pretty hypocritical coming from a guy who just posted a song with more car-related imagery than your local Automobiles R Us, but when I read these SSG songs every week, I always come away feeling like the best one is the one which just barely sticks to the topic, because that's the one where the author truly got caught up in their writing so much that they didn't care about staying with the subject. These days I aim to see the assignment as a creative springboard rather than a set of constraints.

In this case I feel that your song (much like mine) tries a little too hard to fit into the prescribed box. Maybe it's the repetition of the main image, I don't know; in any case I'm going to try to give you a few pointers as to where certain components could be upgraded.

-first verse: nice, works well

-second verse: A little confusing. I am not clear about what the 3rd line means. What is "the rest"? The last line could also do with explaining.

-bridge: well firstly the second line repeats the first - don't know if this was intentional but I don't feel the effect is a good one. The line about changing lanes feels very forced. If you want to use a metaphor here, it doesn't have to be car-related.

-third verse: in the first two lines are you talking literally about the car? Because I initially thought you were talking about "test-driving" another girl... which puts a different spin on the song. When you say "Gotta great look and feel" I was anticipating some kind of description of what made this car/girl so great. I feel the song is a little lacking overall in descriptive passages.

-fourth verse: "tour of duty" conjures up a military image which seems very out of place with the rest of the song. Deliberate? Also in this verse you are doing a lot of repeating of previous lines. Which could be a good or bad thing... ahh, I'll let you off.

As usual I'm being picky, but remember I said your song was ok which means it was not bad :)

RE: SSG4 Week 20 - Drive - mp3

martin-6 — Tue, 21 Mar 2006 04:08:32 +0000

SSG4 Week 20 - Drive - mp3

pbee — Tue, 21 Mar 2006 03:02:21 +0000

There are no prizes for guessing the genre of this song.

Drive
Â© Copyright 2006 Paul Brady

I'm drivin down the road in this automobile
Trying to keep my mind on the road
And my hands on the wheel
But I just can't keep you off my mind
I think about you all the time

We've driven down this road so many times
Our hearts beating to that rhythm
The rest out of time
But we don't seem to sing that old song
So these old wheels are just rockin on

Its nobody's fault
There's no one to blame
We should be together
Its time for a change

Somethin's real familiar bout this automobile
Man you sure are pretty
Gotta great look and feel
And I just can't keep you off my mind
I think about you all the time

I'm drivin back to you baby in this automobile
Ive done my tour of duty
Now I'm back home for real
And I just couldn't keep you off my mind
I thought about you all the time

.